#it's been too long and i'm so stoked to see you around again! <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[tidaltow]

“ woah there — “ gloved hands steady the boy in front - “ you okay, kid ? ” / from KAEYAAAA

@multimusae || oh shit dawg we back

The first thing he does is laugh.

Which seems like a semi-okay sort of response. Kind of one of those sarcastic huffs like, Do I look okay?, only that it sticks around a bit longer than it should. It feels unrestrained, unchecked, eventually petering out into a little sigh that's pretty much Percy's best effort to establish a smidge of control.

He doesn't know where he is. Heck, he doesn't know who this guy is beyond just eventually reaching the realization of, Oh. So he's the reason I'm standing right now.

But, maybe what's most important at the moment . . . ?

Percy isn't there anymore.

“Super,” he says, somewhat in response to the stranger's question, somewhat in response to his own inner monologue. His elbow nudges that support away just enough to test his balance, and when it keeps, he figures things could be worse. (But, Archons, that's not an invitation, so just don't.) “I'm— Yeah, just . . . a sec.”

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

I LOVE YOUR WRITING! i was wondering if you would do the kisses prompt #44 with patrick zweig? <3

*I'm not currently taking any more prompts from this list

44. Tentative kisses given in the dark

This wound up being much longer and far hornier than I originally intended

Warnings: Horny Chaos Gremlin Patrick; there was only one bed; dirty talk; masturbation; grinding; cumming in pants; enemies to enemies who fuck; smooches

Rating: Explicit, 18+ - minors, please get off my lawn

You'd been in a tight spot before, sure, but you never thought it would be this bad. Your mind was racing as you tried to imagine what people said when you turned up together, watched you get out of his car.

You'd been chagrined when he'd reached out to you on Tinder with a proposition, but as much as you hated to admit it, it had seemed like a decent idea. He had made good sense—you needed transportation, and you both money. Meeting up with him had cemented it further.

"Our styles would complement each other," He'd leaned across the bar as he'd insisted it, wholly ignoring what you'd considered your personal space, "We'll split the costs of the motel room and gas, take down the mixed doubles competition and split the prize money."

"And then what."

"And then you won't need to see me again. You'll want to, though."

His shit-eating grin had almost been as bad as finding out that the only available motel only had a single room available. Patrick hadn't even feigned an offer to take the floor, and there was no way in hell you weren't getting a good night's sleep before the first day of matches.

The first night hadn't been so bad—the two of you had managed to keep to your own sides of the somewhat narrow bed, and gotten ready without incident the following morning (though that likely had something to do with the fact that you got up to get ready at 5, and Patrick rolled out of his bed somewhere around 7:30, grumbling, only moving at your insistence that you didn't want to be late for check-in).

The two of you hadn't fallen into sync on the courts right away, but by the end of the day, you'd found a consistent rhythm. Every grunt of his, every encouraging yell of, "Let's go," every high-five, hip-pat, grin shot at you from beneath the sweep of his long lashes made your more and more grudgingly attracted to him.

You'd tried over and over to talk to Patrick about your form and tactics over your rest stop dinner, but he'd ignored you in favor of stuffing his face and cranking up the car radio.

Now, you felt him shifting beside you. It wasn't the first time—he'd been tossing and turning for the last ten minutes. It was another moment before he settled down. You drew in a deep breath, relieved. Finally, you could sleep. All you needed was a little peace, quiet, and stillness—

The sound and sensation of Patrick moving again made you clench your hand into a fist.

"If you don't stop moving, I'm going to stop you to the bed," You warned.

"Don't threaten me with a good time."

"Zweig."

"I can't sleep."

"You've made that abundantly clear."

Another shuffling shift, and you felt the hot push of Patrick's breath against your neck.

"Are you tired?" He asked.

"I'm begging you to shut the fuck up."

His quiet chuckle grated on you as much as it stoked the flare of attraction on your belly.

"We're not gonna talk?"

"I tried to talk to you in the car."

"I don't mean about the game."

"What else would we talk about?"

"Anything."

"Like our favorite ways to fall asleep?"

Patrick's teasing little hum made you realize that it was a stupid thing to say, but it was too late.

"I'm pretty fond of a good fuck."

"Of course you are."

"Or rubbing one out—Not as effective, but still a pretty good option."

"Uh-huh."

"...Okay." He shifted around again, and you felt the covers shoved away. You hesitated before you peered over your shoulder.

"What are you doing?"

"Rubbing one out."

"Right here?"

"Easier this way. I can fall right asleep after."

"You're just going to—Right next to me."

"Sure." Then, "You could, too, you know."

"I don't need to."

"Sure you do."

"Excuse me?"

"You need to loosen up. You're so uptight—it's throwing off your game."

"Bullshit."

"It isn't," He chuckled again, but it was different. There was a breathy edge to it now, and an undeniable soft shushing of his fist working in his boxers. You swallowed thickly, eyeing the opposite wall as you tried to ignore the heat rising in your skin.

"You're a real ass, you know that?" You gritted out.

"Keep going."

"What?"

"Keep talking."

"Just hurry up."

"You don't wanna talk? S'okay, you can listen—Mm, fuck," He groaned. Your stomach flipped at the sound, your thighs squeezing tight as your clit throbbed. "You wanna know what I'm thinking about?"

"Yourself, I assume."

"Those pictures of you on Tinder...I looked at 'em last time, too."

Last time. Why was the idea of Patrick jerking it over his phone as he swiped through your pictures so hot? "Nothing like having you here, though...You smell better than I thought you would."

"You smell like a pig. You act like one, too."

"Mm, but you like that."

"What the fuck makes you think that."

"You think I don't see you squirming over there?"

You bit your lip at the accusation, fingers curling and uncurling in the sheets. Damnit. You had been sleepy, but now you felt wide awake and wired. There was no way you'd be able to just doze off now—not quickly, anyway.

"Spent half the games today staring at your ass," He went on, seemingly uncaring of the battle you were mentally waging. "And when you ran back for that lob, your tits looked so—Mm, god. I thought they were gonna pop out. I wanted them to, right there in front of everybody...Show 'em to me?"

"What?"

"Bet your cute little nipples are so hard. C'mon, just for a second?...I can suck 'em if you want."

You drew in a deep breath, trying to steady your pounding heart. You weren't going to give into the goads, you weren't going to—

You rolled onto your back, shoving your nightshirt up with one hand as you grasped his hair with the other. Patrick moaned, rolling over and curling into you. He took one of your nipples into his mouth, twirling it with his tongue as he began to shamelessly rut against your hip. You whimpered brokenly, arching up into his touch as you rolled your hips, grinding against the seam of your sleep shorts. Patrick lifted his head as he pushed himself to settle fully between your spread thighs.

"Can I touch you?"

It seemed like a silly question coming from the man that had just had his mouth on your breast, but you could feel the way he was holding himself over you—hips carefully still, despite the feeling of his cock twitching between the layers of fabric separating you.

"Yeah," You nodded, propping yourself up on your elbows, your chest brushing against his. "Yeah. Can I—"

"Yes." Patrick shoved his hand beneath the band of your shorts, groaning as he felt your slick, plumping pussy beneath his fingertips. He lowered himself closer, the heat of him almost crushing as he began to lay frantic kisses and sucks across your neck and breasts. You reached down, palming his ass and hauling him closer as his rough fingertips swiped your clit.

His lips skimmed your chin before they brushed against yours. The two of you went still, hands freezing in place as you seemed to reassess. You leaned up just a touch, pushing your lips against his more firmly. Patrick sighed, teasing his tongue between your lips as his fingers picked up their pace. You gave his ass a squeeze as he rutted against your thigh.

Patrick sloppily broke your kiss, panting against your lips as you chased his touch.

"Fuck, c'mon," He murmured, "I wanna feel it—I wanna taste you."

"Shit—" You shuddered as the familiar coiling in your belly snapped, sending your hips bounding against his fingers, pussy clenching as you came. You'd hardly felt the last wave of it before Patrick was pulling his hands up from your shorts, smearing his cum-slicked fingers against your nipple and taking the slicked skin into his mouth. You whimpered, stunned, as Patrick teased and toyed with the skin, his hips juddering against your thigh. You could feel the heated spill of the cum through his boxers, feel the hum of his groans against your skin.

You sagged back against the pillow as he slowed, rolling off of you. It was absurd to suddenly miss the heat of him, or to watch the retreat of his back as he went to the bathroom. You let your head loll back as you tried to center yourself, trying to ignore the slick, lingering pulse between your thighs as you pulled in deep, steady breaths to calm yourself down. You were so sleepy—you could figure out what the hell you just did in the morning.

You expected the dip of the mattress to be chased by the feeling of Patrick tossing and turning again, but he settled down, drawing in a deep breath.

"Night," He murmured, and you laughed, unable to help yourself.

"Night, Zweig."

[helluvapurf]

...so uhhhhh, "Apology Tour" was... *interesting*-

Didn't even seem that long ago since "Full Moon" came out so I didn't expect another ep drop this morning, buuuut welp! Lets discuss:

First off just to smoothen things up a bit, The Positives:

-Animation & visuals were quite pretty, and wasn't expecting the whole "spooky Halloween" aesthetic at Verosika's party (tho that may just be the summer season speaking lol) but hey, I kinda dig it~ 👀

-Verosika in-general, I was super stoked to see more of here! 💜and even with her staying pretty sassy/bitter towards Blitz... its honestly hard not to feel for her once she & him finally had that one-on-one convo (even revealing that she did legit love him... but Blitz simply couldn't stay with her due to his own commitment/intimacy issues ;-; ). And even if it was technically more of a pettiness move to theme her party around hating Blitz... in a way, its lowkey kinda sweet how much she wanted to help others "heal" from heartbreak? Aww... 🥺 Idk, do I still wish Verosika could've been more of the "major" character focus here (as Fizzarolli was in his past couple eps)? Absolutely. But for what its worth... I had fun watching her as I did💗 (& hopefully this won't be the last time Verosika appears story-wise, cause oml imagine the bonding potential of her, Blitz & Fizz as a reunited trio lol)

-That one incubus dude that flirted with Stolas (+kissed him) at the end seemed like a chill dude. Even if he most likely won't appear again, his vibe was fun to watch lol.

-OH, we finally get to see Mrs. Mayberry again, sweet~! :> ...and, she's apparently dating Martha now? Huh, thats... interesting, I guess? .3. (*wonder what happened to her husband/kids tho, 'cause I kiiiinda thought they would've landed in Hell too ngl-*)

...aaaaand okay yeah, that'll cover the Positives I've got atm. Now for The Negatives... ohhhhh boy:

-I... guess I'm not super alone in this opinion rn from what I've read from other fans, buuuuut... Stolas can you shut your entitled-hypocrite-mouth up for five minutes, please?? 🤦‍♀️Like, I know the dude's still reeling from how "Full Moon" ended, so him being in a mixed mood is to be expected tbh... but omllllll the way he was just SO smug, dramatic and pushy about being the "good guy" in how he & Blitz ended (-as if HE wasn't the one who set up their whole "transactional" dynamic since the start of the freakin' show?? =_=), even whining about the events of "Western Energy" (-when all Blitz was doing was prioritizing his daughter's well-being at the hospital, like a good dad should), was just... seriously?? >> Like... yes, Blitz may be a whole mess himself with how he's treated others (esp poor Verosika 💔), but that does NOT make Stolas a saint with how he handled things himself. From hanging the Grimoire over Blitz's head, creeping on him again & again, practically ragdoll-ing the poor guy's feelings during the crystal exchange (not even skipping a bit when Blitz was close to crying), aaaaand not to mention...

...so like, tell me how I'm expected to believe Blitz is the one who needs to do all this apologizing/groveling... WHEN HE DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING TO STOLAS EXCEPT (RIGHTFULLY) CALLING THIS BLUEBLOOD BIRD OUT ON HIS BS?? 😑

*sighs* Sorry, didn't mean to get heated there but... yiiiikes is this show sending so many mixed messages of where I'm supposed to stand with these two, I can't keep up anymore- 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

-As much as I get what the ep was trying to do in having Blitz see past his own ego/apologize to others… Iiiiii'd be lying if I said I didn't feel just a tad bit uncomfortable at the increasing Blitz hate, throughout the party-sequence ^^; Like, I know he's a shitty guy who's done shitty things, and absolutely he needs to recognize how much he's hurt those like Verosika (& his other exes)… buuuuut tying into my previous point, it just rings rather unfair that most of this seems mostly spurned from him rejecting Stolas, of all people? ._. When… again, they were NEVER an actual couple like him & Verosika were, instead were just a simple once-a-month hookup deal that soured 'cause of Stolas' mess of a "confession"… y'all really expect me to believe Blitz is the bad guy for not immediately accepting the "feefee's" of a privileged, horny prince (aka: the one who did hold the Grimoire over his head since S1's "Murder Family")? …Ehhhh, sorry but I am NOT buying that crap lmao -x- 👎

[adventuresasmrsfindley]

TGIF! What a week it's been. This may be a TMI post but we're all friends here right? 😅

I went in for the colposcopy (reminder, this is for the cervix, not a colonoscopy) on Wednesday. My PCP said this was precautionary but I was still pretty nervous for the procedure. Imagine my shock when the OBGYN was talking to me before and said the cells they found were more on the side of concerning and this was an "absolutely need to do further testing" scenario. Not just "let's be extra cautious". I completely broke down in that poor woman's exam room. After coming off the breast scare, her throwing around the word cancer again was too much for me. I cried for a good 10 mins while she talked me through everything. I explained what had been going on recently and apologized for being such a mess. She totally understood and was great considering this was the first time we met lol. Anyways, she said that she definitely wanted to do biopsies which I was hoping wouldn't be needed but I trusted her judgement and let her proceed with the procedure. She took 3 total, and it was definitely not a pleasant experience. The last one sucked the worst. I took ibuprofen before the appointment just in case and I'm glad I did. Luckily it was over pretty quick but I had quite a bit of bleeding (duh - she basically hole punched my cervix 3 times) so she had to use extra of the solution that is supposed to stop the bleeding and lemme tell you. It's gross. It looks like coffee grounds coming out and I'm still dealing with it 2 days later. I was pretty sore the night of but haven't had much pain after that. It's more just annoying. It's also annoying because she said the results take about a week. If they come back a level 1 or lower we will just continue to monitor with yearly paps, but if they are higher than that she is going to recommend a LEEP. You can Google that if you want to know what I'm in for 🙃 all the research I did before said most places do it in the office but she said they are not equipped for that and it would be done in an outpatient surgery room and I would be put under general anesthesia. I am hoping soooo hard that my results come back good but a week is a long time to wait!!! I am so over this year.

On top of that, I found out I'm going to be traveling to CA multiple times this summer for work. I knew one trip was very likely but was not prepared for probably having to go once a month. It's going to be a great career opportunity so I'm not going to pass it up but I am not stoked about being away from my guys so much. I'm not in a great place with my MIL either right now and she's the best equipped to help us out while I'm gone because she's retired. So we will see how that plays out...

It's a lot going on right now. I just really need some good news back from the doctor and then I feel like I can fully focus on getting our summer planned and setting us up for success since things are going to get pretty crazy I'm sure.

[ddarker-dreams]

Hellooooo I have been DYING to know this from you 👉👈. You know how there's a lot of tips for writing stuff? Well do you happen to have any tips for reading stuff? I want to read the books you recommend but I fear I'm just too dumb 😭 and won't understand what is going on let alone the themes and philosophies discussed. I feel like I would be insulting Dostoevsky by reading his work looool. We were never taught this stuff in schools ;O

I'm talking about critical thinking and analysis skills, media literacy, being able to picture and visualise sceneries; characters' voices/appearances etc., and just overall being able to comprehend one sentence that doesn't use the most basic active voice structure 😭 thank you if you choose to answer!!!!

SWEET ANON !!!! YOU ARE NOT DUMB !!!!

this is coming from a survivor of the american education system, so it might not be universal, but my experiences in middle/high school made me dislike reading books. no joke. i didn't see the point and thought reading the classics was a waste of time. i'm sure that's partially teenager arrogance, but from the conversations i've had with others, reading was rarely framed in a way that stoked intrigue. we're not given the tools to engage with the text so i'm rarely surprised when i see the worst takes imaginable on a piece of media i enjoy from a 14 year old.

i'm still learning myself when it comes to media literacy, it's an ongoing journey. when i read notes from underground for the first time last year i was literally so confused. i can normally read anywhere from 80k-100k words in one day if i'm motivated enough, but NFU, a novella at around 43k words, took me over a week.

i say all this to reassure you that you're not alone!

some advice that comes to mind when reading a dense work:

do some background research on the author. i know teachers hiss at wikipedia for some reason but reading a few paragraphs about the person's life, beliefs, politics, etc really helps put their writing into perspective.

look into the time period it was written. what were the pressing social issues at the time? who was in charge? what conflicts were ongoing/just ended? what was the predominant religion? books don't exist in a vacuum, a lot of the classics are filled with jabs at ideologies the author doesn't like (i'm looking at you, dante).

if the author's from a different country than you, getting a basic grasp on the culture helps a lot. with reading dostoevsky specifically, historical events like the emancipation of the serfs was an entirely new concept to my american brain.

not everything is going to make sense. sometimes the cultural/historical layers go so deep you'd need to have been alive at the time to immediately get it. fortunately, there are nerds with degrees in book who do extensive research and can give insight. i'll think i maybe understand a book okay, go to read a journal article on it, and go ??????? wat???? page 632 paragraph 3 references euclid's optics?? how was i supposed to know that.

finally, you're not going to like every book you read, even if it's well written. there's a difference between persevering and actively torturing yourself with words. if you dread picking it up again, there are other books to check out instead. there are some classics that i don't care for much (some of edgar allen poe's short stories, the fall by albert camus, no longer human by dazai osamu, to name a few).

ask yourself questions while reading. why did this character do that? is there a reoccurring motif throughout the work, and if so, why might the author be trying to highlight that? what perspective is the work from? is the protagonist lucid, are they an unreliable narrator? what themes are being explored here?

i hope some of this helps dsfhgkdjshgks there's a lot to be said on the subject but i didn't want this post to be miles long.

[toboldlygohome]

Hold Me Closer

Mark Watney X Reader

Chapter 1

Summary: You were looking forward to your month on Mars, but what happens when a month-long mission becomes indefinite? Will you and Mark make it back home, or were you doomed from the start?

Character(s): Mark Watney, Chris Beck, Melissa Lewis, Beth Johanssen, Alex Vogel, Rick Martinez

Warning(s): Cursing, Injuries

You stared out the window as you ate, watching the endless expanse of darkness spin around the ship. A week from now, you would be on Mars, conducting geological surveys and testing core samples. You were a chemist first and foremost, but you were also sort of a jack of all trades aboard the Hermes. You could fix things, run telemetry, conduct space walks, keep the plants alive, identify minerals, and of course you had a fair bit of medical training. It was because of your proficiency for all things scientific that you landed yourself a spot in Ares 3.

The excitement practically radiated off of you. You were so stoked, you couldn't even eat the food in front of you. So much to see, so many samples to run! You hoped there would be signs of past water in Acidalia Planitia!

"You know Y/L/N, the food is supposed to go into your mouth." Beck strolled in with his water bottle in hand. Evidently he was here for a refill.

"Thanks for the tip, doctor. I'll keep that in mind." You said before shoveling a spoonful of rehydrated ravioli into your maw.

"You looked lost in thought there, wanna share with the class?" He asked as the water reclaimer slowly filled his bottle.

"Just thinking about Mars," you shrugged.

"Ah, for a second there I thought you were thinking about your botanist," Chris smirked.

You stared daggers into his back. "My botanist?"

Beck grinned at you over his shoulder. "Well who else would you be thinking about? You've got such a wistful look in your eyes, I thought for sure your mind was on him."

"You really need to stop with the teasing Beck. It's a small ship, it'll get back to him eventually," you grumbled.

"Look, I just call it like I see it."

"Well, you're seeing wrong."

"You've been more and more distracted lately, there's no way it's only because of Mars," Beck chuckled. Dammit. You hated when he was right. You did like Mark, but let's be honest here. Who wouldn't like Mark? He was funny, smart, and he looked way too good in his grey flight suit. Completely unfair.

"God, you can be so annoying," you laughed.

"Only because I'm right."

"Mark and I are just friends, that's all we're ever going to be. Even if we didn't work together, and for the government no less, there's no way he'd ever go for the likes of me."

"What makes you say that?" Beck tilted his head curiously.

"Have you seen him?"

"Yeah, and?"

"Dude, he's like the second most attractive person on this ship!"

"Second?!"

"Objectively speaking, Johanssen is the first. Her posters sold out like hot cakes!"

"I know Johanssen is first! I meant, how is he second? What about me?"

You raised an eyebrow at him. "Who's the one who got the super sexy Under Armor ad again?"

"... Y/N? How many times have you watched that ad?" Beck laughed.

"Shut up."

"It must have been a lot for it to be this fresh in your mind."

"Don't you have a computer nerd to go flirt with?"

"Don't you have a botanist to ogle?"

You groaned and pushed your food away, but Beck scooted it right back. "Fine, fine. No more teasing for today," he laughed. "Just make sure you finish your food, it's important that you eat well."

"What if I'm not hungry?" you asked.

"Eat anyway, doctor's orders," Beck sassed as he left the dining area with his water.

You snickered and poked at your ravioli. If only you could just follow your heart like Beck. He was set on Beth and nobody was going to keep him from her. You just hoped he'd wait until after the mission to make it official for the sake of his career.

Of course you wanted to date Mark. Beck wasn't wrong on that front, but relationships are strictly prohibited among crew-mates. Maybe if you didn't work together, you might have worked up the courage. Probably not, but it would have at least been an option.

You slowly ate the rest of your cold meal and tried to think about anything else. Anything but the plant-loving engineer who had a choke-hold on your heart.

~~~

Mark groaned and climbed out of his bunk. It had to be at least two in the morning... at least according to the Kennedy Space Center. Jeez, he was starving. Luckily their food reserves came with snacks for just such an occasion! He exited his quarters and looked toward the room beside his. The door was open, which was quite a surprise. You were normally asleep by now, and Martinez was keeping an eye on the telemetry tonight. What were you doing awake?

Watney made his way to the dining area and took a look at all of his options. Hmmmm... trail mix it is. He grabbed a bag and took the ladder to the zero g portion of the ship. Everything was quiet except for the hum of the ship and Rick clicking his pen in the cockpit. He decided not to bother the pilot and instead went in search of his favorite crew-mate.

He found you floating in the cupola with your earbuds in. You watched as Mars inched ever closer, calling you to its surface. Mark couldn't resist the urge. He grinned mischievously and grabbed your ankle, causing you to yelp in surprise.

Mark laughed as you smacked him on the shoulder half-heartedly, "Mark! you scared the shit out of me!"

"Sorry, sorry!" he floated up and settled beside you. "I saw an opportunity and I had to take it."

"Jerk," you laughed and returned your focus to the lonely red planet.

"What are you doing up?" Mark asked.

"I could ask you the same question."

"I was hungry," he caught a floating peanut in his mouth and looked at you as he ate. "And you?"

"I couldn't sleep. I'm too excited," you admitted with a smile. "Ever since I was little, I wanted to go to Mars... I can't believe it's actually happening."

Mark smiled gently and watched as your eyes sparkled with adventure. That was one of the things he loved most about you. He loved seeing you light up when you learn something new or complete something for the first time. And for the few instances you failed, he loved watching you gear up to try it again. Nothing could shake you when you had your mind set on something. (He wished you had your mind set on him...)

This was a lifelong dream of yours, something you'd thought about, planned for, and fought tooth and nail to achieve. Now here you were, watching all of the pieces fall into place. Mark felt so lucky he got to be on this mission with you, that he'd get to see every moment of excitement, every vivid dream become a reality.

"What are you listening to?" he grabbed your earbud and stuck it in his ear. He grinned.

Hold me closer, tiny dancer. Count the headlights on the highway. Lay me down in sheets of linen, you had a busy day today.

You scooted closer to Mark so he could listen with you, he wrapped an arm around your shoulder to keep you steady. Oh what Watney would give to stay with you like this. Floating softly, slowly, taking in the view. He offered you his bag of trail mix with a cheeky smile. You laughed lightly and grabbed a bite. Fuck. He loved your laugh. He would listen to it on repeat if he could.

"Hold me closer tiny dancer," He mumbled along with the song as the chorus kicked back up.

"Count the headlights on the highway," you whispered back.

~~~

Finally.

Mars was so close, you could almost touch it! And here in a few hours, you would be~

You suited up for your ride in the MDV and helped Martinez and Johanssen with the pre-flight checks. Mark and Beck were loading the descent vehicle with everyone's personal items and Vogel was making sure all of the Hermes experiments were on autopilot. Commander Lewis oversaw the whole operation and kept in contact with Mission Control about the progress being made.

Once all the checks had been made and all the cargo had been loaded, everyone piled into the MDV and prepared for descent.

You took a deep breath as you checked the on-board navigation. You were really going to make it! You were going to walk on Mars! You checked, double checked, even triple checked your numbers before giving Lewis a thumbs up.

"We are go for separation," she told Martinez.

"At your command," Martinez said, poised to initiate the separation.

"Launch," Lewis said.

Your heart rate increased as the MDV shuttered out of the docking port. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my GOD!

"Approaching ten meters from Hermes," Johanssen said.

"Engine power readings are nominal. Ship internal pressure is stable." You said, unable to keep the excited quiver from your voice. The cabin was quiet for a few minutes. The tension could be cut with a knife. It wasn't a bad kind of tension. It was exciting, like teetering at the top of the world's tallest roller coaster.

"Approaching two kilometers from Hermes. Go for engine start up," Beth said.

"Martinez, go for engine burn," Lewis said.

You squeezed the arms of your seat and closed your eyes. This was the hardest part for you. You'd worked in the International Space Station before and reentry was your downfall. What was worse about entering Mars was that there was no water to break your fall if you crashed.

You felt a gentle pressure on your hand and looked up to find Mark already watching you with a smile on his face. He squeezed your hand as the MDV inched closer and closer to Mars.

"Hanging in there?" he chuckled.

"By a thread," you joked.

"You got this, tiny dancer," Mark winked.

You chuckled and rolled your eyes. You both listened as Lewis and Martinez went back and forth calling out each action they performed. Mars completely filled the window.

You held onto Mark a little tighter.

~~~

The actual mission started off promising enough. The landing was good, setting up the Hab was a breeze, and life support was running at maximum efficiency. Unfortunately, life seemed to have this obsession with throwing you curve balls.

You scowled as you watched the screen while the storm outside raged on like an angry god.

"Jesus, we're gonna end up in Oz," Watney said. "What's the abort speed?"

"Technically one fifty kph. Any more than that and the MAV's in danger of tipping." Martinez said.

"Any predictions on the storm track?" Lewis asked.

"This is the edge of it. It's gonna get worse before it gets better," Johanssen replied.

"All right, prep for abort. We'll go to the MAV and hope for the best. If the wind gets too high, we'll launch."

If only that were the end of your misfortune. You literally had the audacity to think: 'How could this get any worse?' You got your answer when Mark was struck by a piece of flying debris. His vitals were offline, his suit depressurized on impact. He was likely dead, but still you were searching for him. The only trouble with that was you couldn't see two feet in front of you. The dust was thick and the wind was threatening your stability.

"WATNEY!" You called out, hoping the urgency in your voice would stir your friend from his incapacitation. "Watney, please respond."

"Y/L/N, I need you to get back to the MAV," Lewis ordered.

"But he could still be-"

"This isn't up for discussion. MAV. Now."

"I'm not leaving him behind. I know if it were any of us, he wouldn't give up. Not when there's still hope we could be alive."

"He's dead Y/L/N. W-we need to go, please," Beck pleaded.

You closed your eyes and forced down a cry. You didn't want it to be true, but Beck was right. Of course he was right. You were in denial... Still, you couldn't do it. If he was dead, you needed to see it for yourself. What if the numbers were wrong? What if-

You were struck with a sudden, blinding pain.

"Y/N!!" Lewis cried.

That was the last thing you heard before everything went dark.

~~~

Mark awoke with a gasp to the sound of beeping in his helmet.

"Oxygen level critical." A robotic voice said, causing him to pant heavily. His abdomen really fucking hurt. It took all his willpower to sit up. When he looked down, he found the source of his pain. The antenna for the com dish had turned him into a human shish kabob! He let out a cry as he tried to keep the antenna steady. Every movement sent a shock through his tired body.

Watney paused when he heard static in his helmet.

"Wa---y... W---ey c--- -n. Watney, If yo--- the-- please respond!"

"Y-Y/N?" Mark winced.

"Watney! Oh my god!" You sounded on the verge of tears. "I thought you were dead! I've been trying to call you for hours!" You sniffed and leveled your voice as much as you could. He could tell you were still coming down from your emotions. "What's your status?"

He groaned and pressed his head against the sand bank. "I've been impaled. Small puncture. Feel like shit," he said through heavy panting.

"Can you make it back to the Hab?" You asked.

"Yeah, I'll make it. I don't think it's deep enough to kill me." He stood up and immediately screamed.

"Mark! Are you okay? What happened?!"

"Antenna is still attached to the dish," he said through gritted teeth. He made quick work of the wire and struggled to his feet. "W-where are you? What's your status?"

"I'm trapped under the MDV. It plowed through me when I was looking for you. I'm not sure you can get me out in your condition."

Mark looked around and found the partially-mangled MDV a short distance away. Watney clutched his side and hobbled over, fearing the worst. He choked when he saw you. You were being crushed from the waist down by a fucking space ship. "O-oh my-"

"It's not as bad as it looks. I landed in some really soft sand. I managed to dig myself out from underneath, but I hit something solid and now I'm literally stuck between a rock and a hard place. The sand shifted under the MDV and now my chest hurts, but I can still feel my legs," you sighed and closed your eyes. "You need to get back to the Hab, Mark-"

"I'm not going to leave you." He grunted as he stepped closer. "If I lift this thing, can you pull yourself out?"

"Mark that's-"

"Can you?"

You grimaced and nodded, "Yes."

Mark nodded back and racked his adrenaline fueled brain for an idea of how to get you out. Still panting, he grabbed a metal bar from the ground and shoved it under the MDV. "On three," he said.

"One."

"Two."

Three."

He shoved the bar down and the ship eased up just enough for you to drag yourself out. You screamed as a searing, blinding pain ripped through your ribs. Mark felt his stomach drop at the sound.

He reached for you, but you pushed yourself into an unsteady standing position. "Fuck," you bit out and stumbled forward. "M-Mark" You inspected his wound. "Come on, we have to get this treated right now." You wrapped a supportive arm around his back and helped him shuffle back to the Hab.

His panting and gasps had only grown more pained as he stepped into the empty habitation. What little adrenaline he had left was wearing off. You rushed out of your suit as quickly as possible and helped Mark undress.

"Do you want to pull it out, or do you want me to do it?" you asked with as much calm as you could muster.

"I'll do it," he bit out. After a series of short, shallow breaths, he ripped the antenna out with a gut wrenching scream. You didn't have time to feel distraught as you shoved down his suit. He placed his hand on the wound. "There's something in it," he managed.

"Sit down," you ushered him to a chair and slid on some gloves. You made quick work in cutting away his shirt, administered a series of injections for pain and infection, and grabbed the retractor and forceps. "I'm sorry Mark, there isn't time to wait for the medicine," You didn't hesitate to insert the retractor and open the wound. He tossed his head back and blew out a long, shaky sigh. You bit the inside of your cheek and grabbed the object with the forceps. Carefully, you pulled it out and sat it in a dish. Mark groaned deeply. He was so pale and sweaty. You wanted to reach out and hold him, but you had a job to finish.

With the hard part done, you were able to relax and clean him up. The stitches were the final step. By then, the medicine was kicking in and Mark's strangled cries slowly turned into steady breathing. You leaned back in your chair and relished in the sound before standing up. You felt around your ribs for a moment and huffed before grabbing Mark some juice.

"Thank you..." He said, taking the bottle with shaking hands.

"You're welcome," you sighed and carded your fingers through his damp hair.

"Are you okay?" He rasped.

"I'm fine, just a couple broken ribs on the right side. I'll live." You gave him a tight smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I just ran a marathon," he chuckled, then winced.

"We should get you to bed-"

"Not yet," He shifted awkwardly in his seat. "There's an elephant in the room..."

"Ah," you sighed and sat down across from him, pushing away the pain in your ribs.

"What are we gonna do?" Mark murmured.

"Our odds aren't the best, but we'll make it work," you reassured him though you weren't sure it was the truth.

He closed his eyes and blew out a sigh. "You should be safe on the Hermes..." He swallowed. There were many stupid nights he wished you and him were the only two people in the world. Now he was beginning to realize how selfish that was. You were trapped on Mars because of him. If he hadn't have stopped to suggest the stupid rover plan, none of this would have happened.

"You should be too," you pressed a hand to his knee, sending a trail of goosebumps up his leg. Even now, you had him entranced with a single touch. "We should both be on our way home right now, instead we're here. But we're trained for this... We'll make it back, we're just gonna be fashionably late is all," you gave his knee a squeeze and pulled back.

"Can I see it?" he asked.

"See what?"

"Your ribs."

You opened your mouth to disagree, but decided a second pair of eyes on it might be for the best. You slowly lifted your shirt. Mark paled again as his eyes fell on your ruined abdomen. The whole thing was covered in splotches of purple and blue. Your back wasn't much better and he was sure your chest had received similar treatment.

His fingers ghosted over the bruises. "Shit," he whispered.

"It'll buff out," you lowered the hem of your shirt.

Watney closed his eyes and wished that this was all a nightmare, but upon opening them again, all he saw was you. You looked exhausted. No, exhausted was an understatement. There wasn't a word in the English dictionary that could describe your expression. You were devastated and trying to hide it. And why wouldn't you be? You had an endless supply of family and friends expecting you home. He only really had his parents to worry about. You had your parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, all your university and work friends... It should have been him and only him. You didn't deserve to be trapped here, least of all with the lowest ranking crew-mate on Ares 3.

"So, we're in a Hab designed to last 31 days..." You thought out loud. He could tell by that look on your face that you were puzzling through something.

"If the oxygenator breaks down, we're gonna suffocate. If the water reclaimer breaks, we die of thirst. If the Hab breaches, we'll explode. And if none of that happens, we starve to death." Watney said, giving in to the hopelessness of it all.

"If the oxygenator breaks, we have the spare. It's built to last 5 days for seven people. With only two of us, that will be... 30 days. More than enough time to fix the oxygenator." You thought out loud.

Ah, now he saw what you were up to. "If the water reclaimer breaks, we build a piss distillery while we fix it..." Mark corrected his earlier statement.

"We'll do bi-weekly checks on the Hab canvas to look for tears." You leaned back. "But you're right. Food is our biggest problem. We're gonna be a couple of hungry, hungry astronauts in a few months."

Mark laughed and shook his head. "Looks like we're gonna have to science the shit out of this..." He looked at you and was pleased to find you smiling back at him. "But that sounds like tomorrow-Watney's problem."

"For sure," you snickered. "There is no way I'm doing all that math tonight."

His heart fluttered as he watched the grin spread over your lips. Your enticingly soft looking lips... What is wrong with you Watney? Stop thinking about that! JEEZ... Creep... Anyway, just a moment ago, Mark was ready to give up. Now he had a little more hope that everything would turn out fine. Today fucking sucked, but tomorrow was a new day. Things are only hopeless when you give in to fear, and it was clear you had no intention of giving in.

"Y/N?"

"Hm?"

"You should run for President when we make it back."

"What?" You laughed and clutched at the spot above your broken ribs.

"I'm just sayin' I'd vote for you," he shrugged in a playful manner.

You sighed, "what am I gonna do with you, Watney?"

"Make me your Vice President?"

You raised an eyebrow at him.

"I'll settle for Secretary of Agriculture."

"How about the Secretary of Homeland Security?" You smirked.

"But that's the bottom of the line of succession," Mark grunted as he sat up.

"Exactly," you laughed before groaning and cradling your side again.

"Alright, that's enough for today," he pushed himself into a standing position. "No more laughing for... how long does it usually take for broken ribs to heal?"

"Like, six weeks."

"I knew that," he smiled and helped you stand up. "No more laughing for six weeks."

"What you're asking for is impossible," you winced. "You always make me laugh. It's why you're my best friend."

"I'm your best friend?" Mark asked, unable to hide his surprise at the admission. He hesitantly wrapped his arm around your back, worried about making the pain worse in his attempt to help you.

You huffed and leaned into him, "don't let it go to your head, Watney."

"Too late," Mark smiled and led you slowly to your bunk. It wasn't easy for either of you to maneuver with your injuries, but eventually you managed to get settled.

"Comfy?" Watney asked.

"That's a relative term," your eyes softened at him, causing the botanist to go all weak in the knees. What a mess he had gotten himself into... "Are you sure you don't need help getting into bed?"

"You took good care of me Y/L/N, It doesn't hurt so much anymore thanks to you... Maybe if the President thing doesn't work out, you could be a doctor," He leaned his bare shoulder against the ladder.

Your eyes trailed down his chest to the bandages keeping the stitches from view. Your eyes started to burn, but you pushed it down and looked up to the bunk above you. "And take Beck's job? As if~"

Mark could almost believe things were normal. That they weren't all alone in a desolate wasteland. You were an anchor. He wasn't sure what he'd do if you weren't here. Would he have the strength to try? This would have broken most normal people... was he one of them? Or was he like you? Brave, selfless, and full of resolve to keep going. His chest hurt. You had gone looking for him... and now you were here. It was his turn to be your anchor.

You felt his eyes on you, but you couldn't bring yourself to meet them. You felt pathetic. Once again, Watney had to pick you up when you were down. For as long as you'd known him, Mark had been your helping hand. He had a sixth sense about these things. The moment things go wrong, he's there to dig you out of the rubble. You closed your eyes and remembered being in orbit. You remembered how he covered your hand with his and made everything okay again. You couldn't keep relying on him like this. It was your turn to be his helping hand.

"Somebody's sleepy~" Mark cut through the silence.

"It's been a day," you sighed and dragged your eyes to meet his.

"A sol," he corrected.

"Smartass," you fought the urge to chuckle. "Go to bed, before I get up and make you..."

"Don't need to tell me twice," He raised his hands in defeat. Mark moved to leave, but paused and grabbed your hand. "Hey Y/N?"

"Y-yeah?"

He gave your hand the gentlest of squeezes, "you're my best friend too..."

You glowed as the smile reached your eyes.

"Don't let it go to your head," he winked.

"Too late."

You held onto Mark a little tighter.

....................

Taglist: @jolovesfandoms

If you would like to be added to my taglist, feel free to reach out!

Thank you for reading!

[darkbluekies]

I loved your family life with the yanderes!

I was wondering if you'd be open to doing more of their reactions ,especially to the readers pregnancy/ birth? I personally love kids and want some of my own one day ( looking forward to twins!) And I would really love to see how they react.

Silas would be stoked, partially because now you seriously can't escape and he gets the life he always daydreamed about! Freaks the hell out when reader goes into labor, like sweating pacing, almost punching the doctor for doing their job. He definitely books a private room and has security everywhere but it's all worth it for you and your baby. He's never gonna let anything happen to either of you

Dr.kry would definitely become even more of a control freak and monitor everything. Imagine reader gets pregnant while still in the hospital. Joy turns to panic, if this gets out people will know what's going on between you two! He takes you home and has you on a strict schedule. He has access to everything you could ever need and definitely plans a home birth. He's so happy seeing his darling with his child. Finally the family he's been waiting for.

Edmund would be happy in a "one more thing off the checklist" kinda way. He'd be happy if his darling was happy but other than that not super emotional about the whole ordeal. He doesn't get emotional till the birth and then? It's pure protective anger and rage! The second he hears any sounds of pain he is fighting his way into that room and screaming at the maids to take away the pain. Slightly resents the child for causing you so much pain, but once he sees the love in your eyes he can't stay mad. ( He can but chooses not to for your sake)

Jerry's just glad it's not her going through the whole ordeal. She sees the upsides but also the downsides. upside? You're trapped, and you won't be lonely while she's working! Downside? Your attention is split now. Plus now you're emotional and defiant and she can't really punish you for it. She's pretty disconnected when the birth comes around. She doesn't really care, but also doesn't like seeing you in pain. " You wanted this, it's all part of the package ain't it?". She's not as attached to the baby but sees it as an extension of you so it's cool in her eyes.

To Hedwig this is the best time of her life! She is so excited to have a baby with you! She loves every second, and probably cried more than you do. She's taking full care of you and keeps the environment controlled and safe. She has private security surrounding the house and hospital. Near constant checkups and shopping sprees. Has changed the colors of the nursery three times and it still doesn't feel right to her. You never have a second alone and she is constantly touching and talking to the baby. You're pretty much on bed rest the second you find out but the birth is mostly up to you, as long as she gets to be there she doesn't mind! Once the baby is here she never leaves them alone but that means some alone time for you to rest and recover.

I'm sorry this is so long, its been rotting in my brain ever since I first read family life with the oc's!!

I've had the mental picture of when you first bring the baby/babies home the yanderes go to sleep and wake up with their darling out of bed! They immediately run around searching for you, but then they remember " oh fuck the baby!" They rush into the nursery to find their darling asleep on the floor beside the crib, their hand slotted between the bars holding onto their babies hand. Their heart warms but also it still scared them thinking about how you could've left and took their whole family with you. Their entire purpose for living gone. Sorry again!! I hope you don't feel too overwhelmed and are taking care of yourself, creative minds need rest and care!! Be safe blue! 🩵💙

i loved this so much :(((<33 i love seeing how people think about my characters. I really think you captured them well!!

i really understand that you want twins :)<3 i really want twins too. I wish I had a twin, but it's a bit too late for that, so having twins would be very sweet too. I love the feeling of knowing that my child has a best friend in all circumstances. I myself is the youngest of five children (where the others are all boys) and much older than me. I'd love to have someone like that <3

I think that all of them would become more and more protective whether they want to admit it or not (cough jerry cough) and would be even more suffocating ... escpecially if they can't find you right away >:)

[scarletttries]

Countdown to Midnight (Adrian Chase One Shot)

Pairing: Adrian Chase/Vigilante (Peacemaker) x F! Reader

Rating: Explicit, I had a lot of fun thinking about how weird Adrian's dreams would be 😄 Some Dub-Con in dream number four, as reader is asleep - avoid if uncomfortable with somnophilia.

Word Count: 3.6k

Author's Note: My little New Year offering of smut (almost without plot) for everyone on their Vigilante shit this festive season <3 Thank you to everyone still sending me Vigilante-related messages, he will always be my number one 💖

Countdown to Midnight (part of my Christmas List)

Five times Vigilante dreamt of you, and the one dream that came true

1. "What's on your mind Adrian?" You asked softly, reaching over to rest your hand on his, a gentle offering of support as he tried to find the words to sum up the feelings threatening to burst out of their own volition.

"I really like you. More than as a best friend even." The words felt heavy as they passed his lips, his hopeful eyes staring up at you from behind his wire-framed glasses, desperate to find any hint in your expression. He watched as you slowly rose to your feet, the weight of the bed shifting beside him as you turned to face him.

"Thank you for telling me Adrian." Your voice was as sweet as your smile as you placed a hand on either of his shoulders. His eyes drifted to your thighs as they settled across his, your weight lowering onto his lap, straddling him so he could feel the undeniable warmth your bodies held for each other. You lifted his chin with two fingertips until his eyes locked onto yours, still unsure of if his feelings were requited, but the butterflies building up his stomach stoked the fires of hope. His breath stilled in his chest as you leant forward, ever so gently letting your lips find his for a single moment, then pulling back to see his reaction. A beaming smile was instantly across lips, the only thing holding him back from kissing you again as he let his feelings finally come free,

"I love you!" He said excitedly, your happy grin setting his heart alight as you opened your mouth to say the words Adrian longed to hear, but instead some distant melody poured out,

"I'm a barbie girl.." The song snapped Adrian out of his sweet dream, and back into a far more disappointing reality.

"Yeah," he answered the phone despite his mind still being deeply under the blankets around him, wishing he could have stayed asleep just long enough to hear you say those precious words back. He'd get there one day.

---

2. "Adrian! I missed you." You called out excitedly as Adrian stepped through the door of his little apartment, locking it quickly as he heard you bound down the hall towards him.

"I missed you too." He replied, a little confused that he couldn't remember his drive home, but letting that thought drift away as quickly as you came into view, the happiest to see him Vigilante had ever seen someone look. As he stepped forward you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling his chest tightly against yours as your lips met his. You hummed happily into the kiss, Adrian taking a moment to respond but quickly taking the opportunity to slip his tongue between your lips, feeling like it had been forever since his lips had met yours. Your kiss was the sweetest taste he could picture, his hands instinctively gripping your hips to ensure you couldn't disappear now that finally had you where he wanted you.

"Did you have a tough day at work? Want me to help you relax?" You purred running a fingertip down his chest as you swayed your hips against his. His tongue seemed to malfunction as you reached the threshold of his belt, Adrian having to settle for just nodding at your request, eyes widening in pleasant surprise as he watched you sink to your knees in front of him. You looked up at him with a suggestive smile as your unclasped his belt, pulling his pants down far enough to free his now hard cock, licking your lips as Adrian watched, his stomach jumping inside him at the hungry way you stared up at him.

As you wrapped your palm around his length, Adrian practically fell back against the wall, the sweet relief of finally feeling your touch better than he had imagined it, knowing immediately he would always want more. His eyes darted open as a fresh sensation sent sparks through his veins, the tip of your tongue running over his exposed tip, the happy noise you made as you lapped up the smear of glistening excitement there threatening to make his legs collapse all together. As if you could feel his weakening knees, your hands wrapped around his thighs for support, letting your nails scrape along the sensitive flesh as you took his length between your lips, your mouth welcoming him so warmly Adrian truly thought he might have died and gone to heaven in that moment.

"You're. So. Good." He panted out, wanting this moment to last forever but knowing it wouldn't be long until he couldn't hold himself back an. You smiled up at him with devilish glee as you replied, sarcarine sweet in your affections for him.

"You're so good for letting me take care of you Adrian. My good boy." Your praise seemed to take the air out of his lungs as you took him into your throat again, bobbing your head and humming in delight at the blissful groans your movements drew from him. He could feel his head swimming as his hips started to shake, only pushing deeping into you and drawing him to the edge,

"Fuck (y/n)." He groaned as he felt himself release, eyes darting open and suddenly in a much darker room than before. He darted upright, looking around before realising you weren't here at all. It was just another intoxicating dream, part of a steady stream since the day you'd joined the team a few weeks ago. A string of happy imaginations that threatened to ruin his job and sanity, along with his bedsheets. He needed to do something about this.

3. His mind raced with thoughts of you all through his drive home, the soft feel of your lips on him, the content hums you'd made down on your knees. Adrian knew he had to have you soon, to hear exactly what you'd sound like screaming his name, to make sure you felt the same way he did. Slotting his key into position, he was surprised to find his front door unlocked, pulling out a knife as he followed the sound of pants and whines that seemed to emanate from his bedroom. All thoughts of danger emptied from his mind when he found you there instead, exactly where he wanted you. The knife in his hand clattered to ground as he took in the sight of you, draped over his bed, covered only in a lacy teal lingerie and your own slick, fingers buried in your panties and desperate noises falling from your lips,

"Adrian, I need you!" You pleaded, looking up at him with desperate eyes, your thighs rubbing together as he watched your fingers plunging in and out of your soaking entrance. "I've been thinking of you touching me every day since we met, but I can't make myself cum. My fingers just aren't as good as yours and I'm so desperate." Adrian could feel his own chest tighten as he watched yours heave and fall as you tried to gain any relief to the pressure bubbling up inside of you. "Please touch me Adrian."

He didn't need to be asked twice, quickly shedding his Fennel Fields uniform and crawling across the bed until he could practically smell your arousal, his mouth watering as his lips fell to your exposed stomach, feeling you squirm in your almost painful sensitivity. His trembling fingers snaked up your thigh, overwhelmed with the anticipation of finally feeling your inviting centre, hips bucking against the mattress involuntary at the noise you made when he finally made contact. The thin fabric of your underwear was wet through with all your frustrated attempts to console yourself as Adrian slipped his fingers inside, think strands of your excitement coating his hand as he brushed gently over your clit, watching your whole body respond to his touch with a sharp jolt.

"Fuck, you're so good Adrian, please I need more." You moaned as he let his fingers slip inside you, bending them slightly in time with the pressure his thumb kept on your clit, free arm draped across your waist to stop your hips bucking away in overstimulation. He could feel his own excitement growing as you started to sigh out his name, the friction from his hand quickly bringing you to the illusive climax you'd been chasing so hard since the first time yours eyes had locked on his. Ignoring his own rutting need his tongue replaced his thumb, trying to fight back a smile as you praised his every move,

"Adrian, you feel so good. I need you, I'll always need you." You choked out, tears pricking your eyes as your drew closer to finally getting your release.

"Mmm, I love you." Adrian moaned against your sensitive bud, picking up the pace with his fingers and trying desperately to hold back his own excitement as he felt his hips stutter.

"I'm so close." You cried, weaving your fingers through his soft curls as your legs started to shake,

"Me too." Choked out Adrian, eyes clenching shut as he felt himself shot his own load over himself, warm and sticky and, all over his bedsheets.

When his eyes fluttered open he was once again in his room alone, dragging himself the shower to clean up his own mess again. But tonight he didn't feel as frustrated with himself as usual, because he'd made a plan. He'd suggested you and the team all go to a bar on New Year's Eve and was pleasantly surprised when you'd all agreed. In just a few days time he'd have his perfect chance to finally make a move.

4. Adrian could feel his whole body ache as another long night of Vigilante patroling came to close, the winter skies still not casting a single ray of light down on him as made he final stop of the night. His final stop of every night; your home.

He found he couldn't rest easy until you knew that you were safe, that you'd still be around when he woke up from his brief, frustrating sleep. He felt at ease scaling to the second floor of your apartment building, each pipe and railing familiar to him now as reached your bedroom window, pleased as always to see you safely asleep. You looked so perfect and peaceful, legs reaching out from under a little camisole that failed to cover any of the cheeks your tiny shorts left exposed. You'd left the window cracked open an inch, the weather unseasonably warm for December, a sign Vigilante took to mean he should come in.

He eased through the window and shut it behind him softly, not wanting you to stir in case your dreams were as frequently of him as his were of you. His feet carried him to the edge of the bed of their own accord, not stopping until his knees met the edge of your plush mattress. You let out a soft sigh in your sleep, your chest rising and falling gently with each breath, nipples rubbing against the sheer fabric, poking through for Adrian to clearly see. He could feel himself throb in his suit, palming himself slightly and sucking in a hiss at the desperate relief. Moving slowly so as not to wake you, he stripped off each item of his protective uniform, feeling himself grow more and more impatient as he watched your legs shift, exposing the outline of your slit through your soft shorts, so tempting Adrian knew you were inviting him in.

He draped himself across the bed beside you, trying to ignore the aching between his legs as he focused on you, reaching over to slip a hand under the strap on your shoulder, easing it down your arm until his hand could reach beneath the soft fabric and caress the curves of your chest. He could hear you whimper as he pulled his hand away for a second to give himself a better view, his cue to run the tip of his finger lightly of your exposed nipple, feeling it harden at his touch, drawing soft circles as his hips pressed slightly into yours. You let out a needy whine in your sleep, your body responding to Adrian's touch eagerly as he teased the soft circles of your chest, feeling your hips rock back against his, begging him for more. He could feel the wet patch spreading across your panties and his rock hard cock, keeping your back pressed to his chest as he moved his fingers to your clit. You flinched at the slight touch, letting out a moan and furrowing your brow in a way that made Adrian wish you'd never wake up. Your body and pleasure completely his to control, to play with however he wanted, to make you feel so good that even if you could stop him, you wouldn't.

He rubbed your sensitive bud through the fabric again, tracing shapes until he round a pattern that had you chasing his touch, hips bouncing against him until he thought he might explode from holding in his own desperate noises. He pulled his finger away, once again eliciting a pleading moan he savoured from you before sliding your sticky shorts down to your knees, the cold night air on your pussy making your squirm against his cock. He eased his fingers into your leaking slit, pulsing back and forth in a way that had your body shaking, walls clenching in the need to feel fuller, to feel him deep inside you. He let the arm supporting him weave under your neck while the other returned to now exposed clit, even more responsive to his touch without a thin layer of fabric in the way. He strummed it again and again, rubbing you with your own slick, the vibrations surging through you until he could feel you getting close, your body shaking again his, pussy clenching around him as he finally pushed his aching erection inside. He watched as you eyes fluttered slightly at the intrusion, the volume of your own moan the thing that woke you up, eyes snapping open in panic.

Brushing more quickly over your clit, Adrian clamped his other hand over your mouth, keeping you in place and silencing your objections and pleas before you could voice them.

"You're so close (y/n), I've made you feel so good. See?" He slammed his hips into you, your body trembling with overwhelming sensation as if to prove his point, "don't ruin it, just let yourself cum all over me, I can tell you're almost there." His voice perfectly toed the line of sweet and caring, dark and controlling, the expert brush of his hands bringing your imminent release whether or not you wanted it. He could see a tired tear roll down your cheek as you let out a muffled cry into his hand, body shaking as the tension bubbling up inside you overflowed, cumming hard around Adrian who watched excitedly as every inch of you trembled at his touch, riding out your orgasm through his strumming strokes on you until finally he felt his own release, the feeling you scream against his hand again as he filled you with his load, fucking it back into for good measure before finally pulling out of you and rolling over to catch his breath.

He leaned over to wipe himself off on your ruined shorts, confused to find only his own blanket for company, slamming his hands down against the bed in frustration that he had dreamt it all again, sure this was your fault. If you hadn't given him that bashful smile when Adebayo joked about needing to find you all an appropriate stranger to kiss at midnight that weekend, hadn't given him that glittering sparkle of hope he always saw in your gorgeous eyes, well maybe he'd be able to get a good night's sleep. But that wasn't fair to you, Adrian thought, you couldn't help being perfect anymore than he could help falling head over heels in love with you.

5. "What's on your mind Adrian?" You asked softly, reaching over to rest your hand on his, fingers intertwining as you lay your head on his chest, pulling the soft blankets over your shoulder to shield you both from the cold.

"Just you. Always you." He replied contently, shifting you slightly so his lips could find yours, a sweet warm embrace he knew he'd do anything to feel again and again.

"Right back at you." You replied with a grin, before leaning in to kiss him again, ready and willing to waste another sunday morning draped over Adrian in bed, domestic perfection your new status quo.

"I'm so glad you married me." He whispered into your kiss, the words falling from his mouth of their own accord, like it was a fact he'd known deep-down, all along.

He startled upright in bed, frustrated by the constant stream of disruptions to his sleep, but feeling his chest flood with warmth at the vision he'd had, unsurprised to find himself hard again despite the dreams unusually tame content. He dragged himself to the shower, not enough time before his shift to bother trying to fall back asleep, accepting that his head was full of thoughts of you as he rubbed over himself, bringing himself quickly to an almost satisfactory climax at his own touch. He felt relief as he let the water pour over him though - it was finally December 31st, and tonight he'd offer you a midnight kiss and finally get his answer.

---

"Adrian!" You called out happily as he walked up to your table, a little late to the party after taking the time to change out of his work clothes. You felt the usual explosion of glitter in your stomach as he smiled at you, crooked and squinting like a child seeing fireworks for the first time, awestruck and magical. You noticed the slight dark lines below his eyes today though, a worried frown flashing across you face as you tried not to offend him.

"You look a little tired, everything okay?" You asked softly, your caring concern for his well-being just one of a thousand things that had Vigilante dreaming about you night and day. He wanted to tell you the truth; that he hadn't had a good nights sleep in what felt like weeks because he couldn't stopped dreaming about you - fucking or married or both. But he'd save that conversation for another day, conscious of not doing anything off-putting before the clock struck twelve.

"Just didn't sleep well last night." He dismissed, grabbing the beer Chris set down in front of him before his loud mouth could get him into trouble.

"Well let's just hope you can stay awake until midnight then." You joked, tapping his glass with yours and turning back to the rest of the table as the conversation flowed. Vigilante was confident that he'd make it to twelve, checking his watch religiously, counting down to midnight.

" What's on your mind Adrian?" You asked softly after an hour or so, noticing him seeming far more interested in his watch than the rest of the table, uncharacteristically quiet for the usually chatty anti-hero. He seemed to jump at the words and eye you suspiciously, getting deja-vu for the phrase after hearing it in his sleeping state more than once. He sighed in defeat, no longer confident on the difference between dream and reality and needing to act on whichever one he was in now.

"I really want to kiss you, but it feels like it's taking forever to get to midnight." He admitted, stomach twisting at the giggle his honesty drew from you. You were a little surprised; it was hard to know how much of Adrian's behaviour was flirty and how much was just his dedication to being a good best friend. But as he stared hopefully at your happy expression, you were glad you finally knew which one it was.

"Well you could kiss me now, and then again at midnight?" You offered, watching him turn the suggestion over in his mind,

"Okay, but before I do, I need to ask you a weird favour." You braced yourself, "Pinch me."

"What?"

"I need you to pinch me so I know this isn't a dream." You raised an eyebrow at his serious tone, teasingly responding,

"Do you dream about me alot?" Adrian let out a laugh loud enough that half the bar seemed to turn around to look at the cause.

"All the time. It's becoming a problem."

"Maybe you can tell me about some of those dreams next year." You asked suggestively, watching Vigilante frown at how far away that sounded before remembering what day it was and breaking out into a smile. You used his moment of realisation to pinch his thigh sharply, watching him flinch at the sting,

"Hey!" He called out angrily, immediately forgiving you as you leant forward, pressing your lips to his softly, placing your hand back on his slightly wounded thigh. His hands flew up to catch your face, needing to feel you were real, to taste your lips while he was awake enough to remember it, his heart hammering in a way it never did when he was dreaming about you.

No this was better. He grinned as he leant forward to chase your lips with his, confident he could keep this up until midnight. This was a dream come true.

[levis-coffeecup]

chapter 23| Sanctuary

WC-4.9k

Summary

The underground is filthy and dark. Dim lights, dull alleys, and desperate hearts. A place Levi knows as well as the back of his hand, and a place he would do anything to get out of.

Chapters of life roll by and with the turn of a page, things drastically change. In front of him is the opportunity to live on the surface. And the flimsy bridge that he has to cross. From an uncivil criminal to a disciplined soldier.

But life on the surface seems tougher amidst all the mockery, civilities, and the gaping hole left in his heart, after the demise of his dear friends Isabel and Farlan.

Content/Warnings

canon- compliant, canon-typical violence, spoilers for No Regrets OVA, descriptions of PTSD, grief, depression, heavy angst and themes, strong language, self-hate, physical assault.

Author’s Note

Hi guys!!!!

It's been long, and I'm so sorry for the delay. So much has happened in the past 4 months... I've completed an intense internship, graduated and gotten broken up with even though I wasn't even in a relationship LOL.

But I've got good news now! I'm almost done with the entire fic (only 2 chapters left). And from next Saturday, I'll be uploading a chapter every week again (Every Saturday)!

Song for this chapter is Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Vitamin String Quartet

Hope you enjoy!

Chapters

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Masterlist | Playlist | Other Works

FEB 848

Birds chirp as the sun wakes from its slumber. Making the night fade, as it lazily appears past the horizon.

A gentle breeze slips through the window, tousling the white curtains. And sunlight enters, landing on Levi's eyes, stirring him from his sleep.

The hearth dimly glows from the fire he was stoking at midnight. And his bed is warm and messy.

Mae is pressed close to him, her back to his chest, and his hand around her waist. And she sleeps like a log, with the sound of her soft snores filling up the space.

Long gone are the days when he used to stutter at every word he uttered. The bumpy rushes of adrenaline have now softened. And the giddiness he would face when he had to see her, has now been replaced with comfort.

He pulls her closer to him, feeling the rise of her belly with every breath she takes.

She has finally saved up the money and bought her own clinic. The place is good and close to home too.

Life has been going good. They're doing well together.

And Levi spends a few more minutes lazing around, steeping in how sluggish the morning feels.

Mornings with Mae are usually like this. Lazy and slow. They cuddle for a little while after they wake up, and then they cook breakfast together.

But today, he has a mission to go to. Slowly his senses come to wake.

The scent of blood faintly mixes with air, and he looks down to see Mae's dress stained. She's menstruating, and her blood has blotted the white sheets as well.

"Mae," He pokes her shoulder, but she's in deep sleep.

"Mae," he calls a little louder.

Groggily one of her eyes open.

"Hmm," her morning voice is hoarse.

"You're bleeding... go change." he nudges, as he gets up to make his side of the bed.

But sleep still hangs heavily on her eyelids.

And Levi's words fall on deaf ears.

"Wanna sleep some more," she whines. Eyes still shut, and drowsy. There was an emergency at her clinic yesterday, she came home very late.

"Mae," Levi urges again as he flattens out the creases on the bed, "It'll get dirtier the more you sleep, just get changed and sleep again."

"I know.. But I'll clean it later", she turns away from him, annoyed. Her body hurts a bit, and she's so sleepy, she's hardly able to keep her eyes open.

"It's harder to take stains out the longer you wait... It will take me 5 minutes to clean it now."

"I'll scrub extra hard." she mutters, pulling the blanket over her face.

"You hardly scrub anything," Levi grumbles, throwing a snide remark about the general state of the house. There's dust everywhere, and there's a few dishes in the sink that have been lying dirty for 2 days.

Mae gets up now, sensing the annoyance in his voice. She props herself on her elbows and her eyes squint as she slowly adjusts to the brightness. "I've been busy Levi... "she mumbles. "The clinic has been taking so much of my time..."

And Levi grunts in response. He knows she's been busy, And he understands why the house is a little messier.

But his temper still rises at the site of her laying, making a bigger mess this very moment.

Maybe it's the stress of the mission today. Maybe it's how lazy she is being. He doesn't know what's making him snap so badly, but at this moment he just wants to be right.

And compassion slips so easily from his resolve. He's usually patient, but he can't stand messes that can easily be avoided.

"I know it's hard, but it's not hard to get up now and change the sheets Mae..." he growls. "The sheets are white, and you're staining it this very moment goddamnit!" Frustration catches the ends of his words.

But her stomach aches, and her head hurts, all she wants is a few minutes more, before she gets up. She hardly has the energy to catch all of Levi's words.

And Levi's brows furrow. Her aloofness is the final straw.

Time ticks loud, yet slow. "Get up I'll clean it myself," he commands, and the voice that comes out is the one he uses at all his soldiers.

He starts tugging on the sheets, and Mae feels it slip past her body. All she wanted was to sleep for a few minutes, and Levi wouldn't even let that happen.

"What's your problem?" She gets up agitated.

"I'm taking the sheets to clean them."

"I'll clean them in a while, what's the need to do it now?... Especially when you have a mission to go to." She almost yells and her face contorts into anger.

"Because it's getting on my nerves." he seethes through his teeth,

And Mae scoffs exasperated, as she starts pulling the bedsheet out too.

"You're so difficult at times. Do you know how hard it is to love you?"

Regret fills her mind as soon as the words slip past her mouth.

And Levi's eyes widen, his body tensing. Her words hit a weak spot.

Her words aren't far from the truth. And he has nothing to say to her. Maybe that is why it hurts so much.

And he's quick to turn to his feet. Hiding the fresh wound of her words, away from her.

Mae follows after him. 'Levi, Levi, sweetheart," she calls out.

But he successfully ignores her. Hurt immeasurably by her words. He picks out his clothes from the closet. And closes the bathroom door shut.

He finds comfort in the shower, where he doesn't have to see her anymore.

When he steps out, he's already sporting his Survey Corps uniform.

Mae stands in front of him. A new bed sheet has been put on the mattress and the old one is bundled up in his hands. She tried to clean the stain in the kitchen sink, but with no success.

But Levi's eyes are cold now, and he sports the same face he puts on for the rest of the world.

The tension in the room is constricting. It was such a trivial topic, who would have known it would escalate so quickly.

"Levi," she pleads. But it feels like her voice only annoys him further.

"Listen to me please." She drops the stained bedsheet, and she rushes behind him. But nothing can stop him now. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean those words," she apologizes.

She didn't mean for it to come out, he thinks.

He rushes down the stairs, and Mae stares at him with remorse.

There's still 2 hours left before the Survey Corps arrives at Trost and leaves for the mission. And Levi has nowhere else to go.

She decides she'll make him his favorite breakfast.

But he picks up his bag and boots.

The door slams shut.

________________

The wind rips past Levi's ears, as his horse gallops past the open fields.

A few red flares went up, then there were two purple ones. Too many titans have attacked the east wing.

And Levi finds himself steering his horse away from his squad, towards the besieged area. He has to make sure the titans don't penetrate the formation further.

Grass fields stretch for miles in front of him. There's hardly any trees around, for him to use the ODM gear on. And he also doesn't know where he'll park his horse. Because some time soon, he will have to be in the air, suspended with the cords of his ODM gear.

The wind blows in his face and the afternoon sunlight feels warm against his skin for a blissful moment. But soon the atmosphere turns into something grim and sinister. And Levi's horse almost panics. Raising its forelimbs up in resistance.

The smell of blood wraps around like a thick blanket. In the distance, he can see a few titans devouring his comrades. They've all gathered between two tall trees, and he hopes he can find someone alive, hiding behind a tree's dense canopy.

He maneuvers his horse forward. And as soon as he reaches close enough to the titans, he launches himself into the air.

The grass is stained red, and corpses are littered on the ground. Some slumped against the tree trunk.

And Levi winces

Seems like everyone's dead already. It was useless, coming here.

A titan turns towards him, and he pulls out his blades. The wind propels him forward, and he flows like the breeze.

The way he moves is an art that could be studied.

It comes naturally to him, and he pivots mid air, effortlessly reaching its nape, and slicing it. More titans turn towards him, as the first one falls to the ground,

They swat recklessly, and Levi dodges their wonky arms with ease.

4 down 3 more left. There's not an ounce of panic in his body. His hand reaches down to grab another blade, but it's met with nothing.

He quickly scans the tallest tree around him, and lands on it. To a spot where the titans can't reach him. And he looks down to find his ODM gear empty.

He's running out of blades. And far in the distance he can see his horse galloping away from the chaos of the titans.

Tch, what a big blunder.

The only thing saving his life at the moment is the height of the tree. And he clicks his tongue, disappointed at his carelessness. He should have borrowed some extra blades from his squad before coming here.

Titans accumulate around him, like moths to a flame. It will be hard to escape through them even if he had all his blades restocked.

And if things are going according to plan, then the rest of the Survey Corps must be somewhere in the North East, way ahead of him. They probably won't even see his flare.

Nevertheless, he uses his purple flare. Hoping someone finds him worth saving.

Time ticks slowly, and he is forced to play the waiting game.

Death stands a meter away from him, trying its best to grab him. And he's left with nothing... but the rotting corpses of his comrades and his thoughts. And he's so helpless, call it his own negligence or bad luck

He sits down on the branch. At least he's distracting the titans from wandering further into the formation.

Exhausted, he slumps. Rotting in the scent of his dead comrades. As the events of the past few hours fill up his idle mind.

He was waiting at the stables, sitting on a wooden stool next to his horse's stall.

He had nowhere else to go. The streets were filthy and soon they would be swarmed by people bustling to earn their daily bread.

It had been an hour since he had been sitting here. And Mae didn't come to bother him yet.

He didn't know if that thought hurt him, or kept him calm.

Maybe she was on the road searching for him.

He threw another glance at the Trost Clock Tower.

It was 7:45 am. Just 15 minutes left, before the Survey Corps entered Trost and he left with his squad. He had never felt so eager to step out of the walls.

And he fiddled with the hem of his cloak, to kill time.

Heavy footsteps pounded the footpath, and his eyes met with Mae's.

She had changed into a fresh pair of clothes, and she carried a tiffin in her hand.

Her face morphed into that of relief as her eyes landed on him.

"Levi, she breathed.

Beads of sweat rolled down her forehead, she was panting.

He could tell she ran, to be here as soon as possible.

"Levi," she huffed, keeping her hands on her knees as she tried to catch her breath. "I washed the sheet ... it didn't take me too much time."

All he wanted was to keep the house cleaner for her.

But the argument wasn't about the sheets anymore. Her words had cut deeper.

They still rung in his head, making it ache. Deep down he'd always known that he was a pain in the ass. And maybe what hurt was the fact that she thought so too.

"Levi," she tried to grab his attention. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I said."

And in a childish attempt to protect his own heart, he turned the other way around. A part of him didn't even know how to face her. He was the one that was hard to love after all, not her.

"Come on now, it was such a silly fight! I know what I said wasn't silly, but I got breakfast for you, since you didn't eat anything." She kept the tiffin on his lap. "Don't go on a mission empty stomach please."

But he placed the tiffin, next to his stool, on the floor.

The next time Mae's voice reached his ears, it was wispy. He could tell she was on the brink of tears.

"Please just look at me." Her words teetered on the edge of a plea.

But Levi remained callous as usual. Even if he's miserably hurting on the inside, he pretends to act unbothered. At least that way, he looks strong.

And Mae felt her heart sink from his constant rejections...

She sat down on her knees, between him and the pavement. Hoping that he looked at her at least once. "Am I annoying you? Do you want space? Just tell me you need space, but don't leave me hanging in uncertainty Levi, please."

Partly, he himself didn't know what he wanted. It always took him a while to figure out what he was feeling and why he was feeling so. And he surely didn't want her to see through.

Fortunately, luck favored him today. The clinking of the city bell broke the floundering moment. His facade stayed put. And he got up without an ounce of remorse, to put a saddle on his horse.

And Mae slumped, looking down at the ground, time had run out, and Levi seemed unbothered by all that she had done so far.

Her belly hurt from the cramps. And her heart felt dizzy with guilt .  "Levi," she turned around, with the last of her hope.

She didn't want him to leave for the mission on such a bitter note.

But he was already in front of his horse. Waiting to get away from her.

She rushed towards him.

"Levi." Tears started filling up her eyes. He could tell by the subtle change in her voice. "Please say something...Tell me that I'm full of shit."

Her hand latched around his wrist, begging. And her voice cracked with a tinge of pain. "I love you," she confessed.

It was a tradition She always told him she loved him, before she left for a mission.

But Levi didn't turn around, he just shook her hand off, and got on his horse. His vision steered at what lay ahead of him.

The sound of his horse marching partially covered the sound of her silent sobs.

Like a hammer striking a fragile mirror, the fact that these might be his last few moments on earth sinks into his mind.

And he tries hard, to think of all the good times. But all the lovely images of her smiling morph into those of her begging him to forgive her.

Someone like him knows how fragile life is. One moment a person is next to him, and the other moment they are gone. And how he wishes he had turned back around, and kissed her.

The titans below him, drool. Stretching on their tippy toes to reach towards him.

And desperately, his eyes scan through his surroundings, ardent for a solution. But all he sees is two more titans wobbling his way.

Every time he comes back from the battlefield, worn out and tainted with blood, all he wants is to see her, and hear his name from her mouth.

But now that feels like a distant dream.

And if he dies today, then the last memory Mae would have of him, is of him ignoring the shit out of her.

The thought makes him die a little. And he would trade an arm and leg to meet her one last time.

Because her love is so strong, it paralyzes him to the core. Her love is so persistent, it makes him want to live for a 100 years in this shitty world.

Some days it's the only thing that makes him fight harder.

And if he dies today, then she would have to live without knowingthat she's the best thing that's ever happened to him.

His mouth runs dry at the thought, and he starts drumming his fingers, anxious. There's so many things that he wishes he could have told her.

But he'll only be able to survive three days without food and water on this tree top. And it'll be pointless to step down even at night without a horse.

The smell of rotting corpses gets stronger. And maybe it's fair for him to die in such misery, after how much of a failure he's been.

He slumps against the tree trunk.

His hope goes down faster than the setting sun.

And it's almost as if God has listened to his prayers, when a tiny dot approaches closer and closer in his direction.

It's silhouette becomes more prominent, and Levi squints to make sure his mind isn't playing tricks on him.

The Survey Corps cape flaps with the wind, victorious.

And Levi feels as if a new heartbeat has come up in his vacant chest. He stands up on the branch.

Soon he can distinguish the familiar set of brown hair, and the wide rimmed glasses.

Hange, his heart brims up with relief.

The world has given him another chance. And even though he knows he's not good enough, in no way is he not taking up this offer.

It's not often that life is so kind to him.

He waves his hand at Hange. And with how empty the landscape is, they are able to spot him with ease.

The flock of titans remain distracted, their primal gaze set on Levi's lean frame. And Hange finds it fairly easy to get up on her horse, and dart towards the branch Levi is on.

They swoosh past two titans, landing on the spot next to him.

Luckily their horse doesn't panic and run in the opposite direction.

"Hange," Levi sighs in relief. In this moment he feels like he could hug them out of sheer gratitude. "How many blades have you got?"

"Not a lot, there's only three." And there's 7 titans surrounding them.

"Three will do," his voice is determined. And he launches himself into the air, ready to slay the titans in front of him

He would fight against the world to see her again.

________________

The weather is lovely today, filled with the mellow rays of the setting sun. Birds chirp around the corner, and the streets are quiet, devoid of the usual chatter that flocks around at this hour.

It's 6 in the evening on a Thursday. And there's only one thought on Levi's mind as he strolls through the lanes of Trost.

His heart skips beats, out of both nervousness and excitement. And the bag in his hand feels heavy, filled with fresh ingredients that he's just bought from a fancy market.

The walk to Mae's house is surprisingly short. And there's not many things that Levi feels excited about in life. But surprisingly this dinner is.

He stares at the familiar wooden door, thinking about her face, when she sees the candlelight dinner and the food he's made for her.

There's steak, and cheese. And he's also got her some freshly baked strawberry pastries and chocolates to help with her menstruation.

He picks the keys from his pocket. Their jingle sounds like a melody to him. And a rare smile tugs on his lips, as he twists the knob.

He has to remind himself to catch a hold of himself.

The door creaks as it slowly opens, and all the excitement in Levi's heart sinks to the floor. Mae is sitting on the couch, with a puffy face and half of her blanket scattered on the floor.

His eyes widen and he curses under his breath. It's a Thursday evening, she was supposed to be at work. But she's in front of him instead, in the middle of a sob session.

The air feels thick. And the sight of her sobbing makes his heart hurt. Nevertheless he dares to step in.

He slips off his boots and places them on the shoe rack. The keys to their house jingle in his pocket. And the sound of his footsteps is oddly comforting.

And Mae frowns the longer she looks at him. Little did she know, that the sound of his movements was all her hurting heart needed

The past four days have been hell for her. Levi didn't come to see her. It was as if he's disappeared.

And the only source that kept her from believing that he had died, were the rare few people who saw the Survey Corps enter in the thick of the night.

And so she was forced to take a day off today, unable to function with the uncertainty of where their relationship stands.

A fresh tear slips past her eye. And Levi places his bag full of groceries on the center table, extremely jittery himself. The candles he bought for the dinner will probably go to waste. But there are more important matters that require his attention, such as her miserable condition.

He knows he's the reason behind it, and quietly he takes a seat on the other end of the couch. Fingers tapping profusely against his knee, as he racks his brain for what to say.

And Mae seems apprehensive as ever. Looking up at him, through her clumpy lashes, with her arms folded against her chest. He never knew it was possible for her to look so angry yet sad at the same time.

"A-are you still b-bleeding?" He hesitates.

"It's gone now, doesn't last more than 4 days for me." She rebuttals. And as much as the coldness in her voice scares him, Levi knows it's his chance to make it up to her.

Timidly, he scoots closer to her, his hands reaching for her face. But she pushes them away.

It's been 5 days since their fight. She thought that this was the end for them. And now he just shows up as if nothing ever went wrong between them

"What took you so long?" she grumbles pissed. But the tears in her eyes betray.

And with a lot of courage, he pulls her head into his chest. "I'm s-sorry... I was too embarrassed to face you... b-because I was s-such an asshole. "

"Embarrassed?" She scoffs as she looks up at him. "And here I am losing hair over whether you'll come back... or leave me forever without any explanation." Her face has turned red, her nose is stuffy, and her eyes are so glossy. He swears they will be swollen the next morning.

"I'm sorry." His voice is heavy, laden with guilt.

A part of his mind hates himself. She deserves so much better than him. The thought runs mercilessly in his head. He just wants it to stop, but he can't escape it.

And it's ironic indeed that the only person he trusts enough to silence his doubts, is also the person that causes it. Mae

He tucks some of her hair behind her ear. "D-do you think I'm being selfish, by keeping you all to myself?" His voice is low, and he looks away from her, as he lays her insecurities down. Bare in front of her.

Her eyebrows furrow, and she tilts back to look at him. "What do you mean?"

"I know it's not easy for you, t-the arrangement we have, I'm too busy... You see me once every three months... I don't know, it's just something I often think about."

And Mae frowns. It's a wound that keeps resurfacing, no matter how hard she tries to make Levi feel loved.

At least he's letting her know how he feels though. That's progress.

"Levi," her voice is gentle. And her patience with him melts every ounce of doubt in his mind. "Loving you is hard, but it's also something I love doing... It's something I do willingly."

All her resentment almost fades away when she's met with the vulnerability that swarms his eyes. She's so close to forgiving him, but then the anxiety of the past four days comes haunting back to her.

"You put me through so much pain ..." She pushes against his chest and turns her back toward him. " I thought you wouldn't talk to me ever again... I know I shouldn't have said it's hard to love you... But I was mad, I didn't mean it. You could have at least told me that you need space and that we'll be fine? But you just left me hanging for like 4 days straight."

The pain in her voice is haunting, and out of desperation, his calloused hand wraps around her upper arm. Turning her around until her palms land on his chest, and her head rests on his heart.

"I'm sorry, I- I was a prick, I felt awful at first and I didn't even want to look at you... maybe because what you said was so true."

And then he cups both of her cheeks, cradling her. "I didn't think about how much me staying away would hurt you... I should have been more understanding."

His face is so close to hers, she can see every scar and scratch on his face. And the way he looks at her is so apologetic and genuine. She would have never thought he was capable of showing so much emotion.

She closes the distance between them. Desperate for a kiss.

Their flaws have started coming out now.

Mae is messy and always leaves the bedsheets undone when she leaves her bed. And Levi has a habit of seeing flaws in everything, always pointing out the smallest mistakes. From the salt in the soup she made, to her cleaning skills... even on days when she doesn't want to hear it.

Mae cries a little too much when she misses her parents, and Levi becomes a total workaholic when the deaths of his comrades haunt him.

Slowly their colors are coming out and what is left is the true image of what they are...

In their raw, most vulnerable form.

Their gaps and shortcomings. Turns out they aren't as much of a perfect fit and not every part of him interlocks with hers like a jigsaw puzzle.

Levi pulls away, admiring how pink Mae's lips look from all the kissing. She's alive and so is he. He couldn't be more grateful.

Another tear slips past Mae's eye. This time it's a happy one. And she rests her heavy head on his chest. "Thank you for telling me how you feel, I know it's hard for you, and I appreciate that, Levi"

They've found home in each other. And home doesn't have to be perfect, home just has to be warm.

And Levi caresses her hair, as he kisses the top of his head.

"I-I love you." His voice comes out confident. And he glides his thumb against her cheek. It's not a feeling he's ashamed of anymore. "And I don't ever want to lose you."

And Mae's eyes widen. She never thought he would say it out loud. But if he has, then he must truly mean it.

In the split of a second, her lips crash back into his. Her heart jolts, and in her sheer enthusiasm, she tackles him to the couch.

He lands on his back, with her hands on his chest and her thighs straddling his hips.

Instinctively, his arms snake around her waist, keeping her safe. And a flurry of I love you too's leave Mae's lips as she pecks his lips again and again.

The room falls away.

Something electric sparkles between them. A desire that can't be explained.

He kisses her again, and again, and again. He never wants to stop.

His hand slips past the hem of her shirt and he squeezes the warmth of her skin. The shyness that once held him back, doesn't bother him anymore, not when he's reached so close to death's gates.

And Mae freezes for a second. With her eyes wide, and her face flushed red. They have never gone this far before, and she squirms for a second.

But she can't even budge. Curse Humanity's Strongest and his strength.

And Levi's eyes glint with fondness as he pauses and cups her face. "Should we stop?"

The familiarity in his voice is all it takes to put her at ease. And Mae finds herself settling in both of his palms.

A part of her is afraid and inexperienced, but it's also Levi she's with. He's been with her through everything. And there's no other person she'd rather do this with.

Slowly she relaxes into him as well. And his other hand reaches the back of her neck, guiding her into another kiss.

"The curtains are closed right?" He whispers amidst kisses.

And Mae just nods, too stumped to answer.

His hands rove all over her frame, and she tugs on his hair as the kiss turns more passionate.

The obstruction, named clothes, falls off effortlessly. Landing on the floor in an untidy mess. The outside world ceases to exist for a moment, and Levi and Mae ease into intimacy they've never experienced before.

To all those who are still reading this book, despite my erratic updates, you have no idea how grateful I am to still have you here!

To all those who have lost interest, I don't blame you at all.

Just incase it wasn't clear enough, this was the chapter where Mae and Levi get intimate (for the first time). I wouldn't be going into more detail of explicit scenes than this. So if anyone's reading for smut, this is your sign to click off. Also if anyone's wondering why are they getting intimate after 2 yrs of dating, then that's because I think Levi would have a lot of apprehensions when it comes to sex (because of his mom being a prostitute). So I would think it would take him really long to get comfortable with the idea of doing it.

Lately I've been thinking that I've been writing Levi a little off character lmao. (since the past few chapters lol). But let me know what you think about it, I might make a few tweaks later, when I'll edit the whole book.

This chapter might seem like a filler, but very soon things are going to pick up pace, and after that there's no going back lol. I wanted to show a little bit more about Levi and Mae's relationship before the plot of AOT starts.

Let me know what you thought of this chapter! Constructive criticism is also appreciated. Also if there are any grammatical errors please let me know lmao.

I'll be seeing you very soon! (On Saturday)

Taglist: @keijikunn @evas-leslas @leviackermanmyhero245 (message me if you want to be added)

[indierpgnewsletter]

The Axes of TTRPG Game Design

All the way back in Issue #69 of the Indie RPG Newsletter, I linked to a series of episodes from the Ken and Robin Talk About Stuff podcast about the “axes of game design”. I've been thinking about them again recently and thought it might be interesting to look at each one. I'll be referring to the summary on the Pelgrane Press blog as I comment on them.

So the basic exercise is trying to figure out the standard axes or spectrums on which every game can fit. The idea is for these axes to be as descriptive and objective as possible. While there is always going to be debate around the classification of specific games, the idea is that in a perfect world with perfect communication, that debate would have a truly correct answer. We don’t live in a perfect world but I'm happy to discuss things like this forever.

So here we go:

Elegance versus Ornamentation

"A game has Elegance if all of its subsystems work in the same way, stemming from a central resolution mechanic, or is Ornamented if its many subsystems work in different ways"

So the first axis is one of the strongest and makes a great example of the level of objectivity we can hope to achieve here. In some sense, the degree to which a game falls back on a single unified mechanic should be clear and measurable. At the same time, it’s not any indication of how “good” a game is. One-page games are highly elegant but they’re by no means “better” than longer games.

One thing that's interesting is to see where PbtA falls on this spectrum. A game like Monster of the Week is pretty elegant because everything is essentially 2d6+stat. But does the number of moves, especially moves like Big Magic where you negotiate the effects of a spell or ritual, push it toward being more ornamentated?

2. Wide versus Focused

"A game has Width if it supports play equally well over a long progression of power levels, or Focus if it works best at a narrower sweet spot."

I think this is where it’s probably best to start moving away from Hite and Laws’ wording. I think terms like “power level” is a wargame hangover. I think this is better phrased as “kinds of characters”. A game that is Wide is designed for a many kinds of characters. A game that is Focused is designed for specific characters or types of characters.

So you get something like Lady Blackbird (which has a cast of named characters on one side) as Focused and Risus (which is as generic as it gets in terms of character creation) as Wide. And yes, I put D&D 5e in there because I revel in the symphony of a hundred angry keyboards click-clacking away.

3. Directed Emotion versus Emergent Emotion

"A game can have Directed Emotion, stemming from rules that lead you to feel a certain way, or Emergent Emotion, in which the reactions of players and GMs stem from the story content they introduce."

This phrasing is a little clunky because in their discussion, Hite and Laws felt that something like “Emotional versus Detached” was uncharitable. And I understand. But I also think that “Directed versus Emergent” is a bit like saying “Designed versus Undesigned”. I think the premise of the exercise that is “undesigned” isn’t a thing. If we want to describe a game as “neutral” on some axes, it should ideally fall somewhere in the middle. So I propose Hot versus Cool. Hot games try to stoke up emotions in the players. Cool games try to cultivate an air of cool, ironic detachment. They don’t want you to feel too strongly about the events of the game.

(The original article also mentions “Abstract rules for their mathematical or formal attributes, or Emotional rules when they grow out of the feelings they are meant to evoke at the table.” but this feels like it overlaps heavily with this point now.)

4. Applicability versus Versatility

"A game has high Applicability if it is designed for a single highly specific player character core activity, or Versatility if it supports many possible core activities."

This is just Wide versus Focused for mechanics rather than characters. On one hand, they’re separate things. On the other hand, it’s clearly related. It’s a bit hard to imagine how a game might support wide characters with focused mechanics or focused characters but with wide mechanics, right?

5. Simulation versus Emulation

"Games that focus on Simulation resolve events as they would unfold in a causal reality, or engage in Emulation, so that events unfold as they would in a movie or book, to keep the narrative running in a satisfying manner."

I’m not quite sure about this one. I’m struggling to understand which games commit to simulating real world physics. What’s the game on that end of the spectrum? I know OSR games revolve around the GM arbitrating physics impartially but in a game where dragons exist, how seriously do I take that claim? They would probably be in the middle of this axis at best if you ask me.

6. Ease versus Mastery

"A game favors Ease when players can pick it up and run with it right away, or Mastery if it presents complex or elaborate rules or setting material, favoring those who take the time and brainspace to learn it."

For me, the important thing to ask ourselves here is whether the word “player” includes GMs. If it does, all rules-light games that might seen to favour Ease are not so easy anymore. (Which reminds me that I never actually talked about “affordances” as a design concept - an article for another day.) If we limit ourselves to “player facing mechanics”, then yes, I can see the spectrum. The problem is, of course, it looks exactly like my Elegant versus Ornamented spectrum.

What kind of games are Ornamented but don’t reward Mastery? What kind of games are Elegant but don’t favour Ease?

(The original article also uses a "Harmonica vs Violin" axis with Harmonicas being simple to play and Violins requiring more work. I think the overlap here is high.)

7. Canon versus Open

"When it comes to setting, a game oriented around Canon presents a detailed setting with a set continuity meant to instill the same suspension of disbelief we apply to SF and fantasy worlds in traditional media. Open settings arise from the authorship of GM and/or players, with plenty of room to make stuff up as you go along."

This seems really clear. And I think examples might be unnecessary.

8. Randomness versus Choice

"A game or system dependent on Randomness uses die results to work out what happens. A game that privileges Choice has players and GMs decide."

This also seems clear. Some games don’t give players the power to just choose what happens next. Some games push players to decide when they want spend resources to just make a specific thing happen.

Okay, so does that all check out?

[jichanxo]

senseific update ⭐

am gonna talk about senseific and my writing goal last month, so this is a long post ↓

my goal last month was to add 5,000-10,000 words to my senseific wip, and at 12:05am on the first day of the next month, i made it to 10,000 words 😭🙏 so stoked!! i made some serious tangible progress. for once. lol

it's currently at 45k words. i'm not sure exactly how much i added, since i deleted some of my placeholder writing and that cut into the word count as i worked, so realistically i added a bit more than 10,000, though i have no idea how much. either way, i made it!

i got a first pass done of all the dance club stuff, which is... the writing equivalent of me Eating My Veggies. it's not always the most fun (especially covering things that happened in canon) but it's necessary. feels like i've been stuck there forever, and now i can move onto other things... until of course i have to proofread it, but shhh...

robotics and boxing are next, i think. still very lost when i think about the biker stuff 😭 i did end up mentioning the skateboarding in passing, but i don't think i'll do much with that since the plot is so short. (i guess shikishima will turn up at the finale anyway?)

anyhow that still means there's a whole lot to do, and i need to keep doing my notetaking on the clubs 😔 back to the mines...

since i added so many words to chapter 3 (since i finally filled out the conclusion to the dance club plot) i had to change where i split chapters 3/4!

currently things look like this:

chapter 1: 7,011 words (this one needs minor adjustments when i sort out my shit with robotics club)

chapter 2: 6,895 words (i have a spot marked to add a robotics club scene)

chapter 3: 9,990 words (The Dance Club Conclusion. so she's fucking Big. after i take a break i'll need to give it a second pass)

just from looking at the word counts of these chapters you can see why getting 10,000 words done was a big deal for me... got a big chunk done...

chapter 4 got a new title and i shoved a few of the end scenes of chp3 at the start of this one instead. after that is an unfinished boxing scene, then some kitakata related plot to look at, so those are probably the next things i'll aim to get done.

chapter 4's currently called "talk too much", since the scene of kitakata saying something stupid to yagami got moved here instead of chapter 3. and also uh. gossip gets brought up. usually i need to think a lot for titles but this immediately felt right for once.

speaking of titles though, right now i'm unsure about senseific's title. again. but i have no alternative so i'll just have to keep thinking about it. maybe i need to ask around for opinions... it's not an urgent issue so maybe i'll stop worrying so much.

anyway it was kinda funny writing kitakata and yagami sorta getting along with the full knowledge that kitakata is going to ruin it all in an already written later scene 💀 don't give kitakata too much credit yagami, he's going to make you regret it later lmao

anyway i think that's everything. i wrote this text wall at 1am (though i will post it at a normal time)

[eriexplosion]

Time for everything to go downhill, rapidly, with Tipping Point.

God I remember how stoked and then terrified I was to see Howzer, every second the man's on screen I'm utterly terrified that he's going to get killed.

This place looks great, real vacation spot.

GREGOR <3 ECHO <3 God the wait time to see Echo again was so long I feel aggressive Missing Them just remembering it.

This is just a fantastic opening, watching this tiny ass group strategically take out basically everyone on this ship. It's nice to see Echo get a chance to shine too, their leadership skill gets underutilized sometimes but they are SO GOOD AT THIS.

Nemec and Fireball have amazing armor, I just love the look.

There goes our Random Imperial Dude, electrocuting himself to death. Where do they get these regular dudes that are totally willing to bite an electricity chip or whatever for the like one year old Empire?

MT TANTISS. CROSSHAIR.

I still love the moment when they shove him just a little too hard and he turns around and you are aggressively reminded he is 6'4".

Tol

If season 3 wants me to like Emerie they will have to work pretty hard at it after she helps torture Crosshair.

Hemlock is SO fucking creepy, but also Crosshair catches on quick to what's going on.

What a great second use of the highly emphasized "Wrong" though, completely different from the last season finale.

The squelching sound of the needle going in and seeing him twitching while Hemlock casually talks, god this is horrifying already, love how it manages to get worse next time we see him.

God though, what did Howzer go through to lose five of his men in prison? You would think they'd at least want to keep their potential test subjects alive, but maybe Hemlock only wants the Strongest ones.

GOD SEEING CROSSHAIR'S EYES ROLL BACK WHEN WE GO BACK TO HIM

Shout out to Emerie and this guard for double teaming the dumbass behavior of leaving one of his wrists loose AND putting a gun next to him like what did you think was going to happen?

Mention of the Hounds which I think we see one of in the trailer, excited to see Omega befriend a doggo that is supposed to kill

I know the implication is that Crosshair recognized another clone and that's why he didn't shoot Emerie but I like to think that it was because she reminded him in that moment of Tawni Ames.

God seeing him essentially give up his one chance at even trying to escape in order to send that message, he gave up everything for his batch, and for Omega, and he absolutely assumed that he would die in there after they took him back. I don't want to see Crosshair sacrifice anything else he has been through ENOUGH.

Hemlock and the toxin is creepy as hell too. I HATE THIS MAN. WORST CREATURE ALIVE.

OFF TO THE BRIGHT AND HAPPY WORLD OF PABU

This scene with Wrecker is adorable he's settling in SO WELL. An integral part of this community!

Shep once again laying out the thematic line of the story with "Is that all you are? A soldier?"

I LOVE THE FLYING LESSONS THEY'RE HILARIOUS, TECH IS ABOUT TO HAVE A FUCKING HEART ATTACK.

The collision alarms haven't gone off once! (Because they shorted out during your last lesson)

I forgot that Tech literally lays out his ability to think clearly in stressful situations (like plummeting out of the sky while attached to a tram car?) season 2 is literally just a parade of reasons that Tech is really hard to kill.

THE TECH TURN. If this doesn't come back in particular I'll be surprised.

OMEGA IS SO HAPPY TO SEE ECHO BACK and Tech's happiness is delayed due to the race to the landing zone.

THE HUG. I remember when a blurry screenshot of Omega hugging Echo sustained us for WEEKS.

Hemlock really out here just DESPERATE for test subjects.

Wrecker chasing the girls around the tree, god he fits so well here I'm EMOTIONAL.

God Tech's face when he says Crosshair is one of the prisoners gets me every time.

Back again to torture Crosshair, because he isn't suffering enough apparently.

Hemlock needs to stop getting in close to Crosshair's FACE.

THE FACT THAT CROSSHAIR IS ACTUALLY SCARED HERE. TEARS IN HIS EYES WHILE WE HAVE TO WATCH SPASM AND MAKE HORRIBLE NOISES.

Cannot believe that Crosshair is the unlucky bitch that has to go through the first onscreen use of the torture droid.

[gen4grl]

Wheeze, here we are at long last before I have to go into College/Life lockdown again. You won't believe how much can happen in a month and the huge projects that lie ahead, but anyways! - It's cool how you have a PHD in Silver Handling. The closest acronym I could get for that was calling it a Psy.D (precarious Silver yeeting doctorate LOL) anyways you're so right, good analytic potential AND its interesting that it's him being Giovanni's son that you point out. I like that bit too, and I'd love to hear what about it makes it so dope to you :D - Twitter is the trenches </3 glad you like it here more :3 tumblr is THE place for neurodivergent folks like us and HARD AGREE on reading game dialogue. its my favorite lore hunting technique. I cannot fight Gyms until every inch of that city has been explored. - Literally bouncing up at down at the mental imagery of Leaf sitting at a blocky computer with Bill. I can just vaguellyyyy reach out to that era through memory, of idk, images, did I ever see them in person? in dreams? all I know is that even in the early 20s the age of dial-up phones wasn't instantly forgotten. maybe at someone's house. but there is SO much 90s to project there and it can be so enjoyable. nostalgia + growing up + that one era that is more romanticized in retro aesthetic and the social culture bc that's how the neighbors eldest daughters grew up and how do we, in modern times, achieve that? - if it's controversial, nobody's yapping about it when it comes to other characters lol. Leaf is pretty consistent if you keep an open mind so taking from other media 100% makes sense. I do it too :P oooh Silver and Leaf meeting on 5 island I love that!! aw man, with the Rocket base and that Scientist I'm just full of giggling here. Pff, Archer is going to get his butt kicked by the boss's son's friend HA tfw the same kids you see running around take down TR - oh I like how you bring the environment and economy into it, solid reasoning for moving + Pallet connects to the ocean that leads to Cinnabar, no? but yeah :D great customer base, little homey place but close to Viridian and the Indigo Plateau as well, plenty of people stopping by! omg Leaf coming from the hair sprouts 😭 oh that's clever I like it! - really enamored with the Bill + Leaf aspects of your story, it's just really speaking to some deep corner of my soul's memory. im so stoked somebody else likes this haha my Leaf is a bit more politically motivated (at least in one universe lol, bc it's the anime which is an utter disaster and she wants to be Champion to clean house and heal the economy) but also someone oughta do something bc Lance is working like 5 different jobs 😭 also, I can imagine with most of your HCs centered around character relationships they might feel like a hard sell compared to cold facts and I 100% feel you. so much of my fic is just character dynamics nobody else would get it LOL. but I'm honored you have so much you'd want to yap about it. fully encourage and love yapisodes - I looked at your Silver post and you said it's only if you're playing as Red but good news, Scientist Gideon STILL asks that if you play as Leaf. He says "Giovanni's kid" not his son :D - at the time you asked that, I was writing 6.1k of a chapter for another fandom, but lately I've had Leaf on the brain again and rlly want to get a solid outline for that series going. <-- the kind of yapping better suited for DMs lol. yess, love seeing how the Pokemon world is connected in media. utterly obsessed with Gen/Evo Specials, you can imagine the cheering when Silver's episode dropped 7 years ago he's so <3 <3 <3 if you like Silver + Leaf sibs then you feel like someone I can smuggle into Dad Lance city that doesn't leave her out, but hey. oldest daughter problems maybe if we incorporate the tendency to focus on Kris/Lyra/Ethan and thanks to Masters, LILLIE?!?!? <-- understand Johto kids but LILLIE???? and every time I see Lance with Red/Blue I'm like "aight, so I gotta fill this vacancy myself"

helllloooo first of all i want to say sorry for taking so long to get to this😭 my last couple months have been a mess and i’ve been dealing with annoying health issues (in every way). i apologise if this reply isn’t as long or thorough as usual🤧

i think what i like about the silver giovanni connection so much is how well it connects johto + kanto story wise. johto to me is still a very undeveloped and lowkey forgotten region unfortunately but silvers character is easily the shining part of the region. i also think it’s cool how he’s also connected to red (or leaf) due to the whole reason giovanni abandoning him being because of red/leaf’s defeat of team rocket, ultimately crushing his ego lol - just one big butterfly effect that i thoroughly enjoy :p and as stated in my post, i like despite how hard he tried not to be, silver was quite similar to his dad until the events of the the johto story. seeing his growth makes me so happy 🤧🤧🤧✨

lmao talking of reading game dialogue … the offical pokemon twitter account made this post for fathers day (i think…? my fathers day isn’t till september 🤷🏻‍♀️)

and the amount of people in the comments literally suprised gave me a stroke like??? lacey being clays daughter is explicitly stated LOL pokemon fans never cease to amaze me 😭😭😭

you’ve really got me thinking about kantrio in the 90s now LOL. i can see them all tryna message eachother on some aol type site and someone’s dial up cutting totally ruining their convos - most likely blue cause daisy wants to talk on the phone to bill or something … hmmm… ideas are brewing!!!! actually to sound old my family had dial up till 2009… insane😭😭 i used to get so mad at my mumma using the phone cause i just wanted to play club penguin LOL - oh and thx u for the compliment on the leaf + bill dynamic <3 bill is one of those random ass side characters that still is so iconic … i have so many hc’s for him too LOL no character can escape my headcanons

oh and i am the minister at the dad lance church!!! i’ve always seen him as not just a mentor to silver but the other johto kids and definitely the kanto trio before they grew up - that saying i still think as adults they turn to him alot since … half of them don’t have dads (both in canon and my hc LOL). i think as adults, the kantrio definitely have a more friend based relationship with him but as kids he definitely helped them through the spotlight that was put on them at such a young age.

ehghhh i very much apologise for this reply, my brain feels very disconnected from my body today and i feel like this hot mess of a reply shows LOL. again, i really apologise for the late reply. i wish you the best of luck with ur studies and writing ✨✨✨🩷🩷🩷

[beachyserasims]

OC Deep Dive Questionnaire

Thanks for the tag @honeyjars-sims <3 I'm sorry that it took me so long to do!!

Rowan Diamond

what common/uncommon fear do they have? He’s a bit of a hypochondriac when it comes to his health. If something were to happen to stop him from being able to be active, it would be devastating for him.

do they have any pet peeves? Laziness is a huge pet peeve. If something needs to be done, there is no reason it should be put off.

what are 3 items you can find in their bedroom? A guitar, snowboard, and a sexy magazine.

what do they notice first in a person? He aligns and is attracted to extrovert personalities that match his own outgoing nature.

on a scale of 1-10, how high is their pain tolerance? When it comes to physical pain, he can tolerate a lot since he has always been into extreme sports, so around 8. When it comes to matters of the heart, well that’s a different story, and he is probably more of a 4.

do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure? Flight has been his go to up until this point in his life. But he has recently resolved to change that!

do they come from a big family/are they a family person? He comes from a small family as he is an only child. He is still a family person as his parents have always stayed close, regardless of distance and separation.

what animal represents them best? A rocky mountain sheep. He is always finding new heights to explore, doing seemingly impossible activities, and picking it up with the greatest of ease.

what is a smell that they dislike? Hates the smell of hospitals. He has spent way too much time there with his many sport injuries.

have they broken any bones? if so, how? He has broken his ankle from a longboarding accident, fractured a rib from a biking mishap, jammed/broke his pinky multiple times from biking (again), and lost a spleen from snowboarding (not bone related but still epic enough to mention).

how would a stranger likely describe them? High energy! Always on the go and on the move. Wears his heart on his sleeve, you will always know what he is thinking, he just can’t help it.

are they a night owl or a morning bird? Definitely a night owl. The creativity just flows better when the moon is out.

what is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love? Loves the flavor of chocolate protein powder (tastes like ice cream), and hates the flavor of rice pudding (ate it too much in the hospital, could just be a texture thing too).

do they have any hobbies? Any kind of sport. Lately, he has taken up basketball and gardening.

boom, surprise birthday party! how do they react to surprises? Super stoked! Party time!!

do they like to wear jewelry? if so, what is their favorite piece? He has a favorite silver necklace that he loves to wear. Other than that, no, because it usually gets in the way of his active lifestyle.

do they have neat or messy handwriting? Messy, there is not enough time in the day to pay attention to such little things.

what are two emotions they feel the most? He gets excited very easily and is quick to be energized. He is also inspired often by his creativity that not many people know about.

do they have a favorite fabric? Cotton is his favorite, it washes well and breathes nicely.

what kind of accent do they have? Fast talking, kind of Canadian. There is too much to do in life, don’t need to spend a lot of time talking about it all!

I'll tag @shesthespinstersimmer , @jayveesim , @blvckentropy , @dawnvy , @earthmoonz , @crsentfairy , @havenroyals , @sirianasims and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it <3.

[keysaww]

Heya!

Back after a long hiatus with this fresh new blog! My online handle is KEYSAWW, my irl fleshname is Kisa (Kis, Kisi, Kiser). I am an Alaskan artist, designer, creator, musician, and mutant hybrid. Currently: 29 and nonbinary - she / they pronouns. I live with my other half Ed and our awesome dog Sug! Ed posts a lot of wildlife and videos of our life in Alaska on his YouTube channel edhesse - check him out if you want to see a raven stacking 7 chicken nuggets, or insightful Civ 6 gameplay! He is just starting out here on Tumblr too with the same name edhesse.tumblr.com. We own and run an antique store with our family that my grandmother founded in the 80's. It had been closed for 20 years, and together with our family worked hard over the last few years to bring it back to life. We finally reopened last year in 2023! The business keeps my days very full, and haven't seen a dull moment in years (dull moments welcome!). I also do graphic design work on the side, and have worked with multiple businesses in my local hometown area. We are a small but close community, and I love it here so much.

Stoked to be back to posting here on Tumblr again, as it was one of my main online hangout spots way way back in the day. Around 2010-2013 I posted as keysaw, kisaw, and kimonty. I openly and shamelessly admit I was big into making Homestuck art around the time. Maybe there are a few people still floating around out there who remember some of my work. Will be posting some of my older art here, then my newer ones. I guess we'll see where I've been, where I'm at, and find out where I'm going together. Thanks for being here! :) & <3 - KEYSAWW

[ultraviolet-ink]

Hi hi, I've never done an ask thing on tumblr before so sorry if I do it wrong somehow, lol. ~

I was going to get caught up on your long fic tonight but AO3 is broken, so instead I'm going to gush about how much I've been enjoying it so far! I have just a couple chapters left until I'm caught up, and I'm stoked to read them as soon as I can! I absolutely adore your writing style, it's been such a pleasure to indulge in.

-

I feel like you've captured the characters so well in your writing. Absolutely love seeing how you've portrayed Mikotoba's many conflicting feelings. When I was playing the game I was like, okay but I need to see more of exactly why he left Japan and what that was like, and you've captured exactly what I wanted so well! Reading about his journey to London was so much fun, and I've loved seeing him develop even more as he's gotten more accustomed to being there! And watching his relationship with Sholmes progress has been such a delight. And ahhh the letters from back home! And baby Susato! I love them!

-

I've finally been getting around to reading the original ACD stories and seeing all the references to them has been so much fun. I love love love reading the cases you've been including in the stories, but the little domestic day to day journal entries are delightful as well!

-

I can't wait to read more and see how the story progresses further. Thank you so so so much for your writing, I desperately wanted fanfics after finishing the games and this fic has not disappointed! So stoked to see where it goes next! ^u^

Oh my goodness, thank you so much for this!! <3 This is an absolutely lovely ask to wake up to, you are absolutely too kind, thank you so much! :D I was definitely in the same boat as you were when I decided to start the fic, I really wanted to explore why Yujin would leave when Susato was so young, and especially how it affected him! From what we see in the games, he really does care for her greatly, and is quite doting to the point where he would literally help her break the rules lol! He's such an interesting character to me, especially since we don't get to see much of him until close to the end of TGAA2. Part of the fun for me is all the research that I've been able to find! I'm a big fan of day to day life, especially when it makes you realize "wow, these were just people, they had their errands and they had games, and they got bored too!", makes you think that you could easily be friends with someone from well over 100 years ago, and I really find that beautiful! Baby Susato's pastiches are also some of my favorite parts to write too haha! I get really excited for her birthday chapters because I get to show her growing up <3 ACD canon is so great, I love it a lot (obviously lol XD), and it's been a fun challenge to diverge from them! My personal favorite is The Adventure of Charles Augustus Milverton because of how evil and smarmy the villain is (and, unlike Moriarty, he manages to get a name drop in the title...! That's how you KNOW he's someone you shouldn't take lightly) Thank you once again for your lovely and thoughtful ask, it's truly humbling, and I legitimately can't stop smiling omg omg omg! <3 I'm really happy that you are enjoying my fic so much, and like you, I hope Ao3 gets back up soon!